Confidence

 

“Just do it. You know you can.”

“I can’t do it! I can’t,” I yell back at them. Why can’t they just leave me alone to quit? Why can’t they just let me fail?

I’m standing here looking down at the sunken creek. How the hell do they expect me to jump over that? Sure, they had all cleared it easily but that doesn’t mean I can.

The whole hike they had expected the impossible of me. Just because they could all do something didn’t mean that I could. I’m so small and pathetic that really I can’t do anything worthwhile. I’m actually just waiting for natural selection to get me. If it wasn’t for technology I’m sure I would have been gone by now.

Suddenly I’m brought back to my current problem,

“What is taking you so long? Come on Kylie, just jump the damn thing.”

I look down at the creek. There is about a three-metre fall before you hit the rocky creek bed.

Ok, I can do this. I can jump the stupid creek. I raise my hand and give Tim the signal to wait a minute. I just catch his nod as I turn round and start to walk away. I turn back round, now I’m about ten metres from the creek. I can do this. I’m sure I can. Well, maybe I can.

I look at Tim; he could tell I was scared. All the others just thought I was being a big wimp but he knew the truth. He flashes me his encouraging smile. That was it; I know I’m going to make it. If Tim believes that I can, then I can.

I keep eye contact with Tim. I’m refusing to look at the stupid creek. I start running. I focus on Tim with all my concentration. I’m there; I’m at the edge. This is it; I have to jump or I’m certain to fall.

I land. The ground is solid under my feet. I’ve done it. I’d jumped over the creek and I hadn’t even noticed. I start to laugh; I can’t believe it was so easy.

I collapse laughing right where I’m standing. Tim walks over to help me up. I can tell he is just about to laugh but he is trying to hold it back. He reaches out to pull me up but instead I pull him down to my level. So here we all are, Tim and I sitting on the ground in hysterics and everyone else is looking at us as if we have just grown a third arm. I just can’t get over the fact that I was so afraid to try: that I was so certain of failure.