Introducing Kates

I have been blogging for quite a while but have never had the courage to talk about my illness. I am Bi-Polar. I have come to accept this long ago, but I have not written much on the subject, at least until now.

 

A little background, I was diagnosed when I was about 18 I am almost 27 now. In the past nine years I have been hospitalized twice, once was just last weekend. I was put on Lithium when I was 18 or 19 and I was not too impressed with the medication, it made me gain weight, and it made my moods flat, I had no emotional range at all. Lithium is great for some people, for me however I didn’t like it so much.

 

I always knew there was something not right, even in high school. My mood would change at the drop of a hat, I would cry over nothing, when I was young, I used to fight people just for the thrill of it, lash out at people, but was unable to understand why people would be angry at me in return. Before I was diagnosed I was put on every anti-depressant that you could think out, none of them worked, in fact they either made me manic, or depressed. Noting seemed to work.

 

Eventually my Doctor decided to try Lithium, my family did not take this well, and It has been an emotional rollercoaster since, in that time I went through one abusive relationship. I was on Lithium for about 2-4 years and then I stopped taking it, so I was on no medication for a while, during that time I was in second abusive relationship. That one really took its’ toll on me, I am still recovering to this day and that relationship ended three years ago. How I survived without medication, I have no idea, I self medicated with alcohol, and sometimes drugs. It was a very difficult time in my life.

 

In the summer of 2006, I had the longest manic episode I have ever had, my parents even questioned If I was using drugs. Then I crashed hard, that is when I decided to get help and deal with everything in my past. This for me has been difficult. I moved away from Denver the city I grew up in and started over, thinking I could run away from my problems. Not the case, you can never run away from your problems, they will always be with you until you deal with them, and even then they will always be with you.

 

I am now back on medication, I have high anxiety and my moods still range quite a bit. I was seeing someone for a year and a half and finally broke it off, sometimes it is too hard for people to deal with my illness, and even I have a hard time. I know that I will never be off medication now; I know that I have to deal with all of my problems. It scares me, because any day the med’s can stop working just as they did a in the last few months, then its back to the drawing board.

 

I am lucky that I have Doctors that work so close with me and that I trust completely. As of now I am feeling stabilized however I do understand that can change at any moment. As for my support, I have friends and family, however I know that it is hard for them as well. Each day is a struggle, but it is also a new day. Living with Bi-Polar you have to take it one day at a time.

 

I do have a lot of good in my life, I have a job I love and am back in school, these changes have been hard on me as well, change no matter how good it is can still throw you into a episode. I am living and that is what is important.

 

 

Reviews

[O!]

It isnt courage that makes u write this....its u now saying that its okay to be the way u are coz u are doing ur best u can given the circumstances....ur illness!
Abusive relationships are relationships u have to get out of right away...and that u did...and that takes courage...coz love can be a strange thing which pulls u back.
THe positive........u have doctors u can trust...u have family and friends who u can fall back on......u havent given up on life and do what any person ur age would..achieve the best for urself. Most important are ur words where u say....dont run away from ur problems....handle them.....i am a very strong believer as far as that goes and i can only tell u to always do that!...moving away is not running away...its making a new start...taking time before u turn back and face ur problems.....
Thank you for sharing this with us. Ure doing good! :-)
x,
O!

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Feeling depressed or down is a normal reaction to events in our lives. In depressive illness that occurs as part of bipolar disorder, the depressive feelings will be worse, they will go on for longer and they will make it harder to deal with day-to-day problems. This testimony highlights the results of both unsupportive relationships and your self determination to tackle a major issue, in your life. However, lithium treatment needs to be monitored with regular blood tests to make sure that there is enough lithium in the body for it to work, but not too much, which can be harmful.

I have an enormous regard for the courage and strength you have demonstrated in sharing and allowing this glimpse into your life.

God's Blessing
Phillozofee

[Dezaraye]

Wow, Kate, I had no idea. I applaud you for having the courage to share this. There are a a lot of people who will benefit from your wisdom that you've gained through this. I'm here if you ever need to talk. :)