Conversation by the pool

“Were you attracted to anyone while we were together?” She asked, slowly exhaling the smoke out of her nostrils.

“Yes, you” he said quickly, unthinkingly.

“hahaha…come onnn. We are not married anymore! You don’t have to give me the automatic response” she laughed and teasing brushed her shoulders against his. The sun made her eyes squint as they sat by the pool, feet dangling in water, making little splashes. It was a warm sunny day and Preet hadn’t felt this comfortable and relaxed in a long time. Not with him, not with anyone.

Jay let the silence linger as he made ringlets of smoke as he exhaled.

“Once. I felt like that once. There was this girl in office and she and I had this back and forth thing going on. I teased, she laughed. She teased and I laughed. It was fresh and new and sort of exciting. But she moved to a different floor in the building and we saw less of each other and it naturally died away.”

“What about you? You like anyone when we were married?” He asked, bending to peek at his reflection in the pool. She knew he was trying hard to sound casual. 26 years of being married to someone will do that to you. A raised eyebrow had significance, a twitch of the mouth, a sideway glance and most important of all, tone of voice. All telltale signs that stayed with you long after the intimacy was gone.

“Yes, I felt attracted to a few people….

“A few people? How many? And you mean like men and women?” his voice gaining in incredulity with the last question.

She laughed a full throaty laugh that was so typical of her. Her friends used to say her laughter entered a room before she did. You could spot her in a crowded room; all you had to do was follow the laughter. It was her most endearing quality and when untimely, the most annoying. Jay wasn’t annoyed by her laugh, just surprised by it. He had forgotten the sound of that laughter. It had receded from his mind these past two years, as a bitter separation had led to a bitter and  heart numbing divorce. It was as if in his mind her personality had shed her laughter off like a snake sheds its skin. All he saw during those two years was how mean and self centered and irrational she could be. None of these reasons was why the marriage ended but seeing her the way he did during the separation convinced him that he was doing the right thing.

He chuckled as he put out his cigarette in the ashtray that sat between them. Was this really happening? Jay and Preet, sitting here side-by-side and laughing? Really laughing, not the sarcastic little sniffs and snorts they had been used to letting out.

Preet laughed harder and rolled from side to side like a fitness ball and seeing her roll like that made jay laugh even more.  She wiped tears from her eyes as her laughter died down slowly with small bursts.

“Woh! That was so funny the way you said men AND women?” she squinted her eyes and looked at him fondly.

“Laughter being the best medicine and all, ahhhh…I understand it now” she said smiling and stubbing her cigarette in the ashtray.

He smiled and nodded his head in response and once again leaned over to look at his own reflection.

“Why do you keep doing that? Do you want to sit in front of a mirror, you narcissist”?

Jay continued to bend to look at himself, combing his hair with his hands, a gesture Preet had known to be typical of him when he was in deep thought. He sometimes stroked his chin and squinted his eyes too when he was thinking.

“I am going bald you know. I always knew I had a receding hairline like dad. It didn’t affect me a few years ago when i started noticing, or rather, when you brought it to my notice…but now its hitting me, you know. I am growing old. Like really old…not like when we were in our 30’s and said we are growing old. What did we know back then huh?”

“The aches and pain of old age” Preet sighed letting out a puff of air. She unknowingly touched her own hair and noticed how they had lost their bounce and were much thinner than they used to be. She looked down at her feet that were dipped in the pool and took one out to look at it. Not a girls foot, a woman’s foot. The skin more loose and saggy and it would be more so from here on now. Is that why women my age never miss a mani-pedi appointment, she wondered…because we cant bear to look at our aged feet?!

“You look good though… just like you did when we got married” Jay said looking at Preet, noticing her hair, her face, her body and her outstretched foot.

“Bah! Right…. You mean to say I look 27?” Preet asked eyes wide and challenging.

“Well… no, not 27.. but you don’t look 53 either. You look good P” he said genuinely.

“I feel, 53… I feel the full weight of 53 years and the past two years have aged me more than I thought possible. I talk of age and worry lines now so casually, but back then, when we were…you know… impossible… I didn’t think I would make it to this day. I thought I would collapse or have a nervous breakdown. Felt like a mountain sat on my head and I was trying to lift it and push it away. Even thinking of those days makes my heart beat faster. I never want to be in that situation again. Most mornings, I didn’t want to get out of bed, everyday routine seemed like a farce. Sacchi and piyush were the only reason for my sanity. Although we drove each other crazy, I yelled, they yelled back…tears on both sides…but they made me feel real and grounded.”

“I know what you mean” Jay said and reached out to hold Preet’s hand… tentatively, like a friend would.

“Was I so difficult to live with Jay?”

“Preet, please… not again. We are having a great time, lets not get into that right now” Jay tapped her hand and withdrew his.

Preet smiled thinking of what these three words ‘not right now’ would have done to her a few years ago. Driven her up the wall and caused serious arguments between the two. He, wanting to avoid ‘talking’ and she forcing him to do so.

Not today. Today was different. Preet had pushed the mountain away and stood taller than her oppressor.

Lazy, comfortable silence lay between them as they both dangled their feet in the cool water and listened to the sound the water made as it swirled under their feet.

“So, does she let you do…you know…..what I never did?” Preet asked, bumping her shoulder to his, one eye squinting and a teasing smile on her face.

“What? What are you talking about..? Oh no…. Are you seriously asking me that?” Jay asked shaking his head and laughing at the surprises she was hurling at him.

“Come on, you can tell me…. Ain’t nothing that I don’t know about” she urged.

“You know I don’t talk about those things. I never have. I don’t know how some guys can talk about things they do in bed. I’ve never been comfortable doing that. And Rit will be aghast if she found out we spoke about this”

“She’s not going to know” Preet whispered “Its our secret” and she winked at him.

“You are crazy!” Jay said once again shaking his head and looking away, as if to see if someone had just walked in. Classic jay avoidance maneuver.

“Why don’t you think about getting married again Preet? You deserve to be happy?”

“Who says I am not happy? Or that marriage is the only source of happiness? I am happy Jay, happier than I have been in a long time”

“You admit then, that you weren’t happy being married to me?” Jay asked

“You know I was happy. You know it… just like you know Sacchi and Piyush worship you, like you know Ritika adores you. You don’t always have to come out and say these things. I was happy… especially the early years, when the kids were still young and we stole moments when we could get them. When we still had conversations. As the kids grew up, all we talked about was them. We started loosing grip over us as husband and wife and just became mom and dad… which was great, totally great.. but I don’t know about you, but I lost myself. And it wasn’t that I was unhappy with you, I was unhappy with myself… a long time before we separated. I didn’t see it then but I see it now. “

“I do wonder very often, why we separated. I wonder if I would have held on for a little longer, maybe given you more time, that things would have been ok. Sometimes its hard to remember why we aren’t together” Jay said looking Preet in the eye. She could see that it was indeed something that he had given a lot of thought to.

This time Preet reached out and put her hand on his and said “Because marriage was getting in the way of our friendship”

 

Author's Note

Working on my dialogue technique. What do you think?