Chapter One

Maria reflects on her past and she tries to kill herself. Will someone save her?

Maria's POV

As I sit here with my pale hands hugging my knees as I'm rocking back and forth in the pitch black dark. Just thinking about my life from the past couple of years.... I've been through such pain. That's why I isolated myself from everyone including my family. Why does this have to happen to me? I don't understand this nonsense? Why am I still here? I check my house phone and it says that I have 23 news messages. Well damn! I check the messages out:

First new Message: " Maria, I know this is sudden but I'm starting to worry about you. You're the only daughter who never calls me anymore, " Mom speaks

" Well maybe she's busy, mother? " Catherine speaks as well.

" Catherine, she's only twenty four years old so what's there to be alone for? She should be living it up like it's her last with her friends, " Mother speaks again.

" Twenty five in couple of days, "

" Oh yeah...Cath, thanks for reminding me but don't we have the funeral to go to on that day, " f**k, I forgot that son of a b***h had passed away. Out of all of the days it just have to be on my birthday.

" Listen Maria, I know that we can't change what had happened in the past but we can only move forward. So, are you going to move forward or stay behind? " Catherine asks me. I'm just going to stay behind or maybe should I just move forward. I don't know, I'm in half in half situation here. My heart wants me to stay here but my head wants me to move forward.

" Honey, are you coming to your father funeral on your birthday? It will mean the world to me just to see your face again and know that you are okay, " Mom says.

The message ends but suddenly I feel a rush of more sadness taking over me. Maybe I should go to his funeral and see my family again. I really miss them but not dad after what he had done to me. In fact I'm glad he's dead because of him I'm afraid to love or have sex with anyone. I'm afraid to open my heart to anyone because of him. Because of him I'm afraid of how weak I am. I tried to love but it just didn't work because of what he did to me.

The last message: " Hey Maria, so your birthday is coming up and the girls decided to take you out for the night. I heard about the funeral on your birthday and man that sucks. You should be happy about that b*****d being dead, " Isabelle says. I guess she's drunk! I pick up the phone and hit answer.

" Hey, Isabelle how are you? " I asks her.

" Hey Maria, I'm fine and you? " She replies.

" I'm not okay, I'm hurting, "

" I know Maria, I know and everything will be okay, "

" How do you know? "

" I just do so please trust me when I say that everything will be okay, " She says to me through the phone. I heard a little bit of concern and worry in her voice. Should I trust her? I means she's my best friend and here goes the doubts again.

" I trust you but are you drunk? " I asks her.

" You bet your sweet a*s I am, " She would always ends that with a wink. I laugh to myself a little bit. Gosh, I miss them so much but I just want to be alone for a little while longer. " Gosh, Maria nothing's the same without you. You were like....the life of the party," She adds and I just smile to myself. Maybe this is a sign to move forward in life.

" So, how are the girls doing for the past years now? " I asks her.

" They are doing well, just well. Jackie had got a promotion at her job, Sarah had got married to the love of her life, Kelly is speed dating her way through guys which you should do the same Maria and as for me I'm at home talking to you, " I just nod my head no in disbelief. I shouldn't do that at least not yet. I'm so proud of my girls.

" That's good and tell Jackie and Sarah I said congratulations. I'm going to the bar later on tonight, Isabelle. Do you want to join me? " I asks her with the energy that I have. This is a start? Right? I'm trying! I'm trying!

" Of Course I will go to the bar with you, Maria," She squeals into the phone like a teenage girl. Oh, she haven't changed a bit. Now, I have a ringing in my ear. " Is this Maria moving forward? " She asks me but I don't know how to answer that. Is this me listening to my head and not my heart. Should I trust my head or heart? I'm only trying and I don't like it then I'm crawling back into my hole.

" I don't know yet but this is a start and I'm sure that I'm going to crawl back into my hole soon. We should meet up around....9:30ish, " I speak unsurely of my decision that I'm about to make. I glance at the clock to the right hand side of me and it reads 8:00.

" Ok and Maria please just move on because I don't want to lose you from depression, " she says in her serious tone of voice. I won't leave her from depression. " I'm worried about you and I just want the best for you but in order to be happy you have to move on. Move on Maria, move away from the pain and start living life, " This is coming from the person who drinks away her problems! Yet she's right, she's right.

" This is coming from a person who drinks away their problems, " With that I hang up the phone. I can't take it back now. Maria, what are you doing? She's your best friend and why would you call her out like that? Stupid Maria, just stupid. I'm not worth it, I'm not worth it, I'm not worth it. Clear liquids runs down from my tired, Dark brown eyes. I'm not ready to leave my dark black, depressing hole. She doesn't deserve a friend like me. I stand up to look at my reflection in the mirror.

All I can see is my messy, tangle, long, light brown hair that looks like I just got out of bed, watery, red, tired, light brown eyes, and pale white skin. Look at me, I'm weak, ugly, ashamed, afraid, and lifeless. I stand here looking through the mirror.

Enter A Flashback

I feel a rough, heavy hand caressing my left cheek. My eyes instantly flutter open to see who caressing my cheek while I'm asleep. As I see who it is my eyes are filled with horror, shame, shock and anger. My own father. How could he do this to me?

" Dad what are you doing on me? " I yell at him in complete anger. His body is laying on top of my body and his face is three inches away from my face. I should have known that no one is going to hear me because they are not here but I have hope.

" Shhh, Maria. You look beautiful when you are asleep. So be a good little girl and f**k daddy for me please or we can do this the hard way," He whispers in my ear. Just feeling his hot breath on my ear make me feel sick. I should puke on him but instead I push him off of me. " I guess we have to do this the hard way, " He says to me in a harsh tone of voice. He strongly grabs me and throws me on the couch.

" Please....stop......don't do this to me, " I cry out but my cry wasn't good enough. " Why are you doing this to me? What do you want from me? " Tears forms and comes out of my eyes. I'm losing the power to talk and I'm also losing strength. His light brown eyes are filled with anger and lust as he stares at me.

" I want sex and your mother isn't giving me any so I'm going to have sex with you, " He raise his voice at me. " If you tell anyone I will kill you, "

End of Flashback

Those words echoes in my head as I still looking at myself in the mirror. He should've killed me after he done those things to me! I wipe some of my tears away from my eyes. I have to get ready for the night, yeah, ready for tonight. I walk upstairs to my room and grabs some stuff off of my bed. Walk to the bathroom, put my stuff on my all brown shelves to right of me. I turn the water on warm, fill it up with a little bit of bath water, and starts striping out of my clothes that wore for the past weeks or so. Is this a new beginning for me? I step in the warm water and I decide to just lay and relax in the water.

" If you tell anyone I will kill you, " He should've killed me! He should of, he should of, he should of. I put my head under the water and open my eyes.....

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think of this first chapter? Is it a good first chapter? Is the grammar mess up a bit?

Reviews

[L J]

-wow...
disturbing lol, but i imagine that's what you were going for? The grammar can definitely use work, but that's ok because this is still a draft, so don't be sad. I like what you'r going for. I imagined this matted looking girl struggling to cope with what happened with her diddling daddy, and her friends trying to pull her out of her slump. Keep working at it

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you!

[------]

I honestly have to agree with everyone else about the grammar. However, I like the idea of including flashbacks; makes the story more authentic. Sexual abuse is a tough topic to read and write, but unfortunately all too real. I hope you'll write more, though.

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you and I'm still working on the grammar.

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and powerful story written. You create life, bad situation and memories. The story made the reader want to read more. Thank you Kasey for sharing the story.
Coyote

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you for your powerful message. I will continue the story. Thank you for reading and your feedback.

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad. A sad and powerful tale.

[Kasey M.C.]

Lol, I'm happy that you are glad!

[Matching Socks]

Hi Kasey, I think you have a good start here.
You have some good feedback already in terms of grammar / spell check.
Very disturbing story but perhaps one that needs telling...

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you, I'm working on the grammar and stuff. There's more to come soon.

[Diane]

This is a hard story to read. This story hits home although not personally. You did write it well, though. There is a few little thing that needs fixing but all and all it was very nice.

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you and I'm still working on the grammar stuff.

[CrumbsInMyBed]

Wow, very intense. I can't imagine the pay she's been feeling all this time. Look forward to reading more.

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you, I will post more soon. Thank you for reading and your feedback.

[Rosa Lee]

Good start to the story! The chapter just gives you a sad feeling which is very true to the story and your grammar and punctuation is good but needs a little editing but overall still good! Looking forward to reading more :)

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you, more will come soon and I'm not a good editor. Thank you for reading and your feedback.

[Katie Lynn]

This is a very good introductory chapter! There are a few places that need to be reworded, and a little of the grammar and punctuation edited but nothing too bad. I like it over all and I'm definitely looking forward to the other chapters!

[Kasey M.C.]

Thank you, and i need to work on the grammar and stuff. There's more coming soon.