WHERE DID YOUR SMILE GO?

Where did the smile go

Where is the twinkle

The innocense you have known

Has faded away

 

You have seen the cruel world

And the tricks that it plays

Felt the sting of reality

Of these new kind of days

 

Play time is over

Those carefree days

When mom worked things out

In her magical ways

 

The harsh world you've now seen

And the things others do

The big world is now

Laid out before you

 

The twinkle in your eyes

Has dulled to a gray

Your sparkling smile

Has lost it's way

 

For my Ryan, I miss your smile and your bright spirit, I love you

Reviews

[ashley]

I'm not really good at writing poetry myself, but I do notice a few things wrong here. The rhythem is off in the 2nd to last paragraph. Also, I don't like the repeated rhymes of the word "day" in TWO separate paragraphs. It makes the poem seem... repetitive and unoriginal.
Other than that, I really liked it. Good word choices! And the whole purpose of the poem is wonderful... it takes talent to incorporate an actual meaning into a poem and stay on track with that.
Overall, good job!