Ephemeral Thoughts

A poem I wrote back in the autumn season for my creative writing class.

These ephemeral thoughts

quiver amongst the fallen leaves,

wrapped in downy feathers,

held in dying grassess.

And the skeleton trees,  

their leaves caught in evanescence,

dance with murmured songs of love,

their demured steps lightly trod.

She has always lived here,

never knowing languor or rest,

born from Terra’s soils,

raised on poets’ musings.

But now her auburn hair,

is laced with winter’s silver age,

and her past airy young voice

is a little coarser.

She recalls of younger days,

of becoming rose covered cheeks,

soaring blue skies kept warm,

young love aided in bliss.

Now ephemeral thoughts,

quiver amongst her fallen leaves.

Her pyrrhic being sighs...

she has lingered enough.

She waves a final goodbye to Summer,

to the rolling lands of her home,

and welcomes Winter

with a toast.

Reviews

[Vile]

Oh this is just lovely, really.
To me, it speaks about acceptance. Which is a difficult thing for most. I loved the tone you used through out the piece, it was calm, and warming almost. Soothing.

Now on a technical level, I adored the vocabulary, it helped move the piece along fluidly and gave the poem more detail so to speak. However one word caught my attention that I wasnt too fond of: 'Evanescence'. I cant explain why but it just didnt fit, it seemed out of place and while I was reading it disrupted the flow. That could be only matter of opinion of course, however other than that there were no slip ups in terms of flow and fluidity.
The structure and format is simple, though thats not to say it was bad. Structure is very important, fact many writers over look which ruins a lot of poems that could be fantastic. So, I suggest being careful. I didnt like or dislike the format in this one.
Overall the piece was very well written and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Truthfully, I dont review much, so the fact that I did at all should say something haha. I enjoyed this quite a bit I admit. As I said, I connected with the tone more than anything. Lovely write. I hope to see more from you.

[Lyza Jarvis]

Many thanks for the review! I can see what you're saying about the format, and I'll keep it in note for future writings. I've never been much of a technical writer, but I'm very grateful for the critique as I'd like to work on improving the more technical sides of writing. Again, thank you for the feedback.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A well structured and relative piece that smacks the reader so full of imagery one breathes heavier in haste, well done, great read.

[Jerald Infant Jeyarethi..]

A poem that makes you visualize things:) Making me wish to see the things that you once saw which made you write for real:) really nice:)

[Lyza Jarvis]

Thanks! Visuals and sensory are very important to me in my writing, so I'm glad you were able to see that!

[Relic]

This is beautifully done. Your word choice throughout each verse is filled with images that jump out at the reader. No great review here, but the poem is awesome.

[Lyza Jarvis]

I am so pleased you like it. All reviews, small and large, are helpful. Thanks!

[Relic]

My pleasure.

[The Rubik]

This is very beautiful and I love the flow of your wording. Everything about it is perfect. :) Added to my favorites!

[Lyza Jarvis]

Thank you so much!