Why Try

I hope you like the message.

Life seeming so unreal

only the strongest will survive shoot to kill

man control other man's will

goverments watching as familys are ill

 

A vision a mad man's dreams

turning time to not what it seems

 

and i sit and watch all the deaths on tv

thinking that could have been me

genuis is mute to the world and the ignorant can't see

The leaders say me instead of saying we

 

and leaving this world in a mess

playing life as if it were chess

 

bodies laying

churches praying

 

children laugh and sing

and others think the world is going to change without doing anything

people want love so they just give out rings

in this world there are only servents,gods,and kings

 

 everything is going to hell

with banks bonuses and bail

 

 And the rich fails to kill the weak

so they say sorry and ask us to turn the other cheek

 

 

and all there is to be is blood to be shed

only made by the men that lead

but sins these same people said

because they're not the ones who are dead

 

in the end everything will be the same

just different faces and different names

 

not given a chance to choose

because every path we will lose

 

the rich just want us to die

so my question to you is why even try

 

Reviews

[Voice]

Wow this is so great and the message very powerful your talent is really shown off in this piece!!! Also because I just finished learning about poetry in my English class I must point out I love the way you formatted the poem. I couldn't help but notice that you also used couplets I don't see it that often! Sorry I got caught up in the moment :) this is a brilliant piece I love it!!!

Voice

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Great flow and honest emotions right from your heart here..this has been a very long dark winter just passed and many will relate with your writing.. many in debt.. hyptnotized by the TV (I don't watch it anymore nor the stock markets daily as it will drive you insane).. best to keep busy, turn the radio on or go for a walk.. yardwork helps.. people look at me and say why doesn't she just sit down and relax.. well keeping busy is the best way to keep your mind off whatever troubles are surrounding you.. times passes faster and you sleep better.. why try.. why not? Try something new.. explore.. if you need change print your poem out and send it to the Government or join a group.. but keep busy with your kids if you have any.. society is letting them down huge.. my son got jumped by 8 kids whose parents are never home or just don' t seem to care.. everyone is numb.. teens still need to be watched.. they hit 13.. parents celibrate and go woohoo.. I can leave them alone now.. they then get in trouble.. hit each other and younger kids and vandalize, drink and do drugs.. media is not showing signs of changing the broadcasting.. parents are responsible for what they view and do with their time too.. sorry this is long.. you covered alot and inspired me! =)

[Tallulah]

That was an amazing and truthful piece. I love the message of this poem it says the truth that people are usually to afraid to face. THe wording was beautiful as was the imagery. I also loved the rhyming pattern. The oly thing i found was in some places it didn't seem to flow as well as in other places. I would suggest breaking up some of your lines up into two lines I think that will make it flow easier.