I watched a flower today...

Description is in 'Note'

I watched a flower today …

It was beautiful, it was gracious. His golden petals were observing my pale skin,

as it shone under the silver moonlight.

The luminous raindrops were dancing and basking in my presence, yearning to become one with the golden gentleman.

 

I watched a flower today.

He did not judge me, nor did he hate me.

His peaceful presence soothed my soul, with warm melodies of a forgotten song.

A sudden bright light distracted my ocean orbs, that were oh so, focused on the petals of the golden gentleman, that the time itself stopped existing.

It was a firefly, that sat on a nearby tree -- the old wizard, that oozed with mystery. He wanted to tell me a fable. I carefully listened to His words light as a wind.

His branches spoke wisdom in an ancient language -- The language of spirits. His words were echoing in my clouded mind, making order in the chaos of my thoughts.

 

The firefly -- She whispered something to him! It was unheard by my ears, but as soon as she flickered away in her pompous manner, I felt the wise man’s pain. The firefly knew that it was time, to dim her light forever. 

The Old Lady dissipated into the oblivion with as much grace as she could. The tree has lost His only companion, and the leafs cried for her absence with a bitter chant.

 

I watched a tree today. His roots were poisoned by man’s hatred.

His core -- weakened by a sudden loss of a companion. 

His leafs -- filled with a bitter fluid of sorrow.

His colours -- slowly loosing their meaning.

 

The night guest has arrived “Oh please, thou mistress of the night! Wilt thou preserveth this tree?” I begged the black owl that sat on His branches.

She secretly nodded back, before alarming me that ‘twas the time of my departure. I bowed to the creation. I bowed to the moon, I bowed to the frog, I bowed to the mist, I bowed to the fog…

Before my feet would walk into the night, I bowed to the flower -- The golden gentleman. He gently brushed against my soft skin. The urge to kill it, to pick it up, to take it with me, to make it mine -- ‘Twas too great.

 

I resisted though, for I had the power over the matter. His beauty has mesmerized me. I did not want to leave that special place, but I knew that if I stayed for too long, its beauty would eventually drive me mad until the point that I’d become part of it. Always remembered.

 

“I shalt visit soon!” I spoke in hushed tones before shimmering into the secrets of the night. There was much more to explore in the enchanted forest.

I watched a flower today -- it did not judge me, it did not hate me. It listened to me, it sang to me with the voice of thousand waters.

 

 

I watched a flower today… he was beautiful.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think about it, as this is my first poem written in English.

A short verse fable about human corruption, immorality, and hate towards different opinions all put in one big allegory. Critique is very much welcome and desired. I know that verse fable usually has rhymes, verses and such, but it's not mandatory.

Reviews

[loowzerX]

I started reading this while yawning..and then it hit me "whoa this is good" . I liked the metaphors used to represent humanity and all. Very original. I think that editing the text and perhaps the struture / punctuation migh help to make it even better...but it is good already. and considering that English is not your moher tongue, damn you're good. :)

[Red Brick Keshner]

I began reading this without a mental flag that it is written from a non-English background. The fluidity of the lines and its rhythm are seamless with that of a native-speaker of English. Slipping into archaic English did not detract from the poem's momentum but didn't add to it either (just my opinion). I'm quite confident with your command and talent for phraseology that ye olde english would not be necessary, unless of course you were writing a period piece. What I enjoyed the most was the fable quality interspersed with the blank verse style. It really worked well and kept the reader's interest. Hope you don't mind that I have faved this poem. Cheers.

[Desert Dreamer]

I love the way flowers accept us as part of nature, and if we stop and listen, we can hear the forgotten songs...this is a beautiful story, absolutely wonderful! I look forward to reading more of your writing!

[Looouise]

In your poem, you've used " in areas where you didn't need to. It only made the punctuation look pretty off. So, you might want to go and re-check that.

After reading your author's note, I think it's pretty impressive that you managed to pull that off. I think you did a wonderful job. The imagery was beautiful, and just the thought you put into it.

[J.M]

Very original. I particularly liked the end of this poem, it was very beautiful.