Build Your Own Wall

We used to be sitting on the couch

Cuddled together like we were freezing.

Your arms would be around me,

Without any intent on letting go.

Now the closest we get

Is different sides of the hall.

Your new love,

And my best friend

In between us both.

We can't see eye to eye,

Or one of us will start to argue with the other.

It seems like you could feel the tension

Between our minds,

Between our bodies.

The Great Wall Of China

Is a white picket fence

Compared to the walls that you and I have built up

Just to keep each other away.

Reviews

[Thea Fuentebella]

aw. that's sad. this is a good one:)

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

great imagery with this piece and like in previous reviews the comparison between the walls is very original and inventive thank you for sharing this

100/100

[Jessica]

Beautifully written, I'm adding this to my favorites :) Great job!

[trainwreck]

This drew me right in. Lovely.

[Shelby]

I love the honesty of this piece. It's very true that when love dwindles, all the walls come up. Such a shame, isn't it?
"The Great Wall Of China
Is a white picket fence"
I love these lines. The Great Wall of China, a symbol of defense against enemies and a world wonder, contrasting the simple, down to earth white picket fence is a lovely contradiction and you've gotten your point across eloquently. Lovely job.

[Frankie Nguyen]

I really loved this poem. The comparison between the great wall of china and the walls built is great. I loved it. It really allowed me to see. I could see this playing out in my head. great job!

[sarah]

This is wonderful I really loved this!

[GamingGal]

Pros: It's good to see emotion poured into a poem. After all, what is a poem other than the heart being given a chance to speak? Despite the lack of rhyme scheme, it flows rather well on its own. You keep the lines at generally the same length which, in my opinion, helps if flow all the better. I'd have to say my favorite lines would have to be the last four.

Cons: Your verb tense in the first line doesn't seem to match with the rest. Not the best way to word what I'm trying to say, but either way, perhaps you could change it to "We used to sit on the couch"

Overall: This is a good poem. Finally putting to words a feeling that, to me, is sort of obscure.