Three Years Lost

Facing three years in prison

Three Years Lost

A loss of breath, when I herd the news

Confused and upset, when I herd of their views

Three years they want, final offer they say

Motionless, my color went gray

 

I didn’t expect it, like a dangerous wave

If you lie in it’s path, you will not be saved

I’m scared that its coming, the clock goes tic toc

My body cant move, I froze out of shock

 

I wait for your honor, the robed man walks in

My fate in his hands, my chances run thin

For a minute my ears, hear nothing at all

For my body shows fear, I wait for the fall

 

My family and friends, around me they stand

I look at them sadly, this was never planned

My mother she cry’s, my dad holds her tight

I look in their eyes, this just isn’t right

 

The tears start to fall, yet nothings been said

I feel that the system, has me misread

And ill pay the price, locked away for three years

My future has ended, and here comes the tears

 

I then hear the voice, of the man in the robe

The harsh tone I hear, sharp like a strobe

He speaks all these words, I can’t understand

Then I hear my fate, they ask for my hand

 

For a minute confusion, take over my mind

My hands they want, please put them behind

I look to my mother, and I see her pray

Then it all hits me, I’m going away

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Reviews

[Mark D]

I like the sentiment of this a lot and the idea of again writing from another persons perspective.

The first stanza would have a better rythmn if the final line read "Motionless I was, my color went gray."

I have a bit of an issue with this one that I feel as if I know the whole story from the first stanza because you give the impression that your fate has been decided already with 3 years of imprisonment. That definitely took away from the rest of the good scenes in the poem/story for me. The judge coming in should be a big moment but I feel like I already know exactly what is going to happen.

I liked the great language in this and the heart of the tale but because I felt I knew what was coming it killed the suspense/surprise a bit.

Sorry if this seems negative...have to be honest!

Good effort that I think you can turn into a great poem with more work.

[layla]

it is over dramatic. I agree. lol thanks for your awesomeness and i love reading what you have to say