this is nice and i almost enjoyed the beginning, i think this reads
better as an insight or an essay, but with lack of depth it reads
dreary and kinda boring, and doesnt appeal to me personally,
but thats not to say that others wouldnt like it.
i think if it you took more time and the wording was choice,
i would read the entire story instead of losing interest after the first
few lines. let me know if you revise it.
Posted 16 Years Ago
5 of 5 people found this review constructive.
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Yes, the news is so depressing I make a special effort not to watch it but I live in Florida and hurricane season I have to watch to get updates on the storm because the weather channel not the same. I agree with you and though our world has never been at peace. I can relate to you because the area I live in is one of those areas you here about all the time gangs and crime at a all time high. I want to move back to the country back to N.C. small town I use to live in . I know theres crime everywhere but I have a true fear living here. I here gunshots at night and I'm glad I live on the 2nd story less likely to be hit by bullets at least thats what I tell myself. I to will make that wish with you for peace and happiness and safer life and who knows maybe someone will here us.
hmm. . .im actually torn on this one. I understand fully where you are coming from as I, too, feel the same way. We have created our own personal hell and honestly I dont care to hear about it on a daily basis. However, I must also draw likeness to Michael. The beginning was strong but it did die out just a little bit. the word choice could be enhanced but other than that bravo. keep going and make it better, there is always room to improve, even for me and I've been writing for nearly 11 years.
MKLINE
Amen to this! I feel exactly the same way...I really dislike watching the news myself...
We can change the world little by little...by just being kind even when others aren't ;)
Great sentiment here :-)
Wow I can feel where you are coming from on this one... despite all the fictional violence on TV the real news i chalk full of it... then we get these kids who shot up schools or adults that soot up their work to make a statement knowing full well the media is going to eat it up... it does seem harder to watch tv especial now with so called reality shows too... give me old fashion comedy to give me a little time away from all the pain...Very nicely done.
yes i see too much violence really got to you ,but this is nothing if you consider violence and how people changed these days,if you widen your views to the whole world you will be shocked ,what you say here is nothing if i am to tell you what real violence is and how the world has got to be a very dangerous place to live in,i agree with the rest down there you could widen this and take it from all side and get to the roots of things as how things got this messy ,but what you say is so good i like writing that really touch our daily lives ,you did a wonderful job here ,thank you
I think that the idea here is good...there is something behind your words that tells me that if expounded upon this could be something really great. I think that you should either make this in to a longer, more in depth essay, or cut it down to a tighter piece of prose or poetry...as is, it just seems a little unfinished. The depth of your voice can be seen, though, and that's why I did enjoy reading this.
This is a nice idea, it could be worded in a more poetic way but saying that i liked the rawness of it, as if you had just sat down and though 'right' this is what i think, and just let it all come out.
Aww
Keep going! This could be so much longer. The title was perfect though! Thanks for asking me to stop by and read this. Sorry It took me so long. Cheers,lea