Their story, My struggle

A Poem by P. Kapper

My girls, my life.

One is my daughter, one IS my daughter
One loves me, just won’t say it

The other doesn’t love me and isn’t afraid to say it
I love them both unconditionally

One is by choice, one is by blood
Neither call me dad

One makes me laugh until I cry

one makes me cry
I’ll never understand fully

Neither of them are straight
One was comfortable enough to make me the first one she came out to
The other one didn’t think I was important enough to tell
I’ll always support them no matter what

I’ve never been so sad yet so happy
I’ve never been so lost
I’ve never been so proud yet so defeated
I feel like I’ve won but at a large cost
A part of my heart has been shut

One breaks my heart and knows it
One has no idea that she’s repairing it

One tells me she’s been replaced by the other
Truth is there’s no replacing either

How do you say goodbye
To your own flesh and blood
To someone that you love
First steps, first words, first dance
Learning to drive, to play basketball
Who you watched go from infant
To incredibly beautiful young woman
To stranger
The why doesn’t matter, neither does the truth
She has her story, she has her reasons
She’s proving she doesn’t need me
But I need her just the same

With so much hurt it’s so hard to focus
But that is what I’ll do
Because there’s someone here who needs me
Someone who loves me too!
And this girl is amazing
And this girl is a jewel
This girl is my hero
I never got her first steps or heard her first words
I never got to hold her as a newborn
Or read her books goodnight
But she is in my life now
I’m thankful for the chance
I get to see her blossom
I get to see her dance
She deserves my energy
She has stolen my heart
I may not be her dad
But it’s a privilege to play the part
Right now she’s the tissue that dries my every tear
And she knows that when she needs me, I will always be right here