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A poem i wrote some time ago, hope you enjoy it!

This is the time when i should turn off the light
Should close my eyes, but it's still to bright;
Ignore the Tv,
Don't turn it on, avoid the tragedy

So set'em free;

Stuck inside 4 walls which are getting smaller
Trying to climb up, but i have to be much taller
Who would have guessed it would be so bad
Want to appreciate a rose but don't want to see the red;
I want to know where we're at
I look around to see dust and sand
In front stands a void of questions we can't yet understand;

Racing through Saturn's ring
Dying through the winter awaiting the spring
Falling over and over, yet, leaving no scar
Thinking this elitistic imunity just to realize
That we stand so far...

Even though we are the same.

Author's Note

If you see any misspell or grammar issue, type it down, help me improve my english.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

what you request you shall receive:

I first of all want to commend this poem! This is phenomenal in every sense of the word! I love the imagery, the language, the power of the flow - this is profound and powerful! So well done on that!

Spelling and grammar issues:

- "which" not "wich"
- So set 'em free (you have it as set'em, and the two words are separate)
- "trying to climb up, but I HAVE to be much taller"
- "Who would have guessED"
- "I look around and see dust and sand" (the "I" helps set the subject and it adds more power"
- "In front" (not "forward" which yes is a directional word, but not exactly a preposition, and you need a concrete preposition here).
- "[In front] STANDS" ("void of questions" is singular, therefore you need third person singular = "stands")
- "we CAN'T yet understand" (one "t"... you have it as "cant't")....."can't" is a powerful word here, but "don't" might work better. Try it out (you don't have to accept this note, just experiment with it...whether it's "can't" or "don't" would depend on what you mean to say).
- "Dying through the winter awaiting the spring" (no "for")....OR....."....waiting FOR the spring" (not "awaiting").

Those are the spelling/grammar errors. Hope that helps. And keep writing. As I said, this poem rocks the world! The long line rhymes were fantastically executed! Well done!

[kaoswithak]

Thank you very much! I'm very glad you enjoyed it!
Unfortunately i can't edit it, but just corrected the original, which i wrote on paper.
Once again, thank you very much that made my day, i'll definitely keep on writing! Everyday i feel more the urge to write something new, this surely helps!