The Lacking of a Heart

What if you don't feel your emotions anymore?

The music drowns out everything but my mind.

I stare forward,

focused on nothing but my thoughts,

trying to get away,

bitter and angry,

expressionless,

confused,

lacking.

What happened?

Was the pain too much to bear?

I shut it out.

I shut everything out.

Buried deep,

nothing but emotion,

nothing but my desires,

nothing but my cravings,

I shut it out.

I built these walls.

I built these locks and chains,

these tightly sealed corners,

this lacking.

I can't feel myself.

I know the pain you give me.

I know the dreams you crushed.

But I can't feel it.

I want to feel it.

I can't even break down my own walls.

Where was all the emotion?

That I expressed through my words?

That truly burned my chest,

pained my heart,

twirled my stomach.

I feel no heart.

No pain.

It angers me the most.

It should hurt.

My heart should be broken.

You ripped it in half.

It angers me that something so important,

feels like nothing.

The curse of a brain's love,

a lacking of a heart.