13 Library

 I don’t have the energy to decode whatever mysterious force is making my friends all act strangely all of a sudden, so I’m pretending not to care. That feeling that tells me that everyone around me is fake was dormant for a while, but it’s back. I’ll keep ignoring it until I need to confront it. Actually, it was never completely dormant; I’ve just gotten better at ignoring it. It’s been a lot harder to ignore recently. However, I know that if I let myself think about it, I’ll convince myself that I’m right, and I have a bad feeling that that would be dangerous. I don’t know why. I don’t know if I’m even right, but it feels like I am… so it’s better not to think about it. Not thinking about the fakeness and possibility of a crumbling reality around me. Great. What’s more? As if I need more to deal with, life and time carries on and I have to go to school. Great.

 

 

I'm really tired right now, just overwhelmed all at once with an accumulation of everything. I need to sit down. It’s lunchtime. Edgar’s back at school. He still has scratches from where he landed on the glass of the window he threw him in. He was lucky enough to not have broken bones. It feels unreal that that actually happened. No one’s talking about it, although I’m sure everyone knows. There’s an adult who watches our classes with a clipboard now. Probably worried someone else will attempt suicide. Or probably tiring to figure what made Edgar snap. You’d think, as his friends, we’d talk about it, but it’s such an unfamiliar subject… Tee, Kate, and I don’t know how ask about it. So we don’t talk about it. We’re trying to move on, but I can see the shift in the dynamic of our group… we’re not talking about it, but we’re all thinking about it.

I grabbed my lunch and forced myself to eat my sandwich, which tasted duller than Wonder Bread and was as squishy and sticky as an open wound. Needless to say, I wasn't hungry for the rest of my lunch. I was sitting where I normally do with Kate and Tee and Edgar, but their voices were jumbled up in my headache. Edgar came into focus and frowned at me. I tilted my head quizzically.

“You okay?” he asked innocently. I thought about it. He’s one to talk.

“Not really...” My shin still screams at me like a crabby old neighbor whenever I try to stand.

“Tired?” I guess I'm tired. Even if that's not really what's wrong with me, it's a nice excuse.

“Yeah…”

“The library has couches and it's quiet.” Kate offered. Quiet does sound nice. “I'll come get you at the end of lunch if you wanna go and take a nap?” Taking a nap still sounds so childish, although I know it's not. Also, I really could use some rest. I nodded. She nodded, too, understanding that I really wasn't feeling like talking at the moment. Thank goodness for friends like Kate who can read my mind.

I went into the library. Last year, I had a study period here, so I would come here every day, but I haven't been in what seems like ages. It still smells the same... comforting. There are books all around, thousands of stories waiting to be discovered by new readers. There's comfort in all of those unread stories. They have so much potential.

Anyway, I was about to fall asleep standing up, so I walked over to a vacant couch and sat awkwardly, then slowly laid down. I was comforted and mesmerized looking at the unread potential of the books.

 

Ahk! Falling!

Uhg. I hate it when that happens. When you’re trying to fall asleep and your body betrays you, telling you you’re falling when you’re obviously not.

Wait…

Did I fall?

Um.

Maybe.

Oof! I can’t get up. Ow, hit my head. Okay I’ll lie down.

My eyes are closed. Why are they still closed? It would make sense for them to be open. I tried to open my eyes. It was much more difficult than it should be, but they opened. Keeping them open required great strength and concentration. Everything is fuzzy, like the light is oversaturating the natural colors. Or something. I don’t know. I hit my head hard when I tried to sit up and it hurts. I can’t move very much without hitting something.

I hear wispy footsteps run past my head. I get a glimpse of what the source of the footsteps is wearing. A white dress. It’s summery. She seemed like a little girl. I think I hear her giggling. It’s faint. She runs past. Her footsteps are so light she seems like a nymph, almost running on the air instead of the ground. She’s not wearing shoes. She has long curly brown hair. She’s holding something. Maybe a teddy bear? She laughs again, faintly. She stands by my side.

I hear another set of footsteps. They are cold and echoing, from fancy shoes in a large room. They get closer and louder. They sound professional and unwelcome. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to see who is wearing those shoes. I can hear their clothing swishing and creaking as they walk. They step right next to my head. I can’t see them, but I can hear them breathing. I lay very still, as if I don’t have a body. The little girl swishes back and forth, chewing her thumb. I hear their clothing fabric squeak as they squat down close to my face. I feel them breathing. The little girl jumps in the air, her white gown flowing beautifully. She tucks her legs in and cannonballs down right on top of me.

 

I cough, bringing my knees to my chest to protect my vital organs from the little girl and bam heads with Sneetni.

“Ah! Jeez! Nigami, Why you gotta always do that?”

“Oh! Ah. Ow. Sorry” I always do that?

“Yeah, I bet. Gah. I was just leaning down, getting close to you to let you know you should wake up if you plan on going back to class.” Oh… the bell rang.

“Oh… um. Thank you.” I tenderly reach to my own head to see if it still hurts when I touch it. Ow. Yep, it does.

“Yeah, yeah.” I don’t think it’s bleeding though. I’m fine. I sit up. Ooh too fast. I brace myself to fall back down. Sneetni rolls his eyes. “What, you concussed yourself?” I’m embarrassed and shake my head. Ow. Shaking head too vigorously. Bad plan. “Nah, I know what that looks like. You’re fine. Will be soon enough.” He helps me to my feet. “You woke up pretty forcefully. My head’s hurting, too.” He laughs to himself “Must have been in a dream, yeah?” I don’t know.

“Yeah, that’s it”

Author's Note

This is all I have so far! What do you think? Constructive feedback, criticism, and suggestions are all very welcome!! :)