12 Almost An Answer

Kate and I proceeded to go on a walk together. It hurt a lot, but I can take it. I really like her neighborhood. It's rural, on the outskirts of town, and there are parks every couple of blocks. There are kids to be spotted playing and being supervised by their parents. They're probably idiot kids, but they might not be. What am I even talking about?

Kate was trying to appear confident, which was nice because I think I needed that, but I could tell there was something on her mind. We walked for half a block in silence, which made Kate more uneasy. I pointed to a bench across a small patch of grass and a path of gravel. She nodded and we walked over together and sat down. After a sew seconds, she flopped her head on my shoulder. That made me uncomfortable, but I think the comfort she received from the action was greater than the discomfort I received, so I allowed it without signaling my annoyance. She picked up on my uneasiness anyway, lifting her head and apologizing. I frowned. There was no reason to apologize.

I thought about what Tee had said about Sneetni and how I probably wouldn't bring it up because talking is one of those things on the long list of things I'm forced to do often, but don't actually know how to do. Kate sighed, then straightened her posture. I didn't bother adjusting mine.

“Okay, fine.” She said. “Sneetni.”

“Okay, fine?”

“Okay! Fine! Sneetni!”

“I've got to be honest... I have no idea--”

“No, you know... I know you know.” What? “Actually, I don't know for sure... let me start again.” Please, do. “Sneetni... is weird.” Weird? I tilted my head. Okay, sure. Why do I care? That's rude of me... I mean... how is this new? “a good weird.” ohh... “I know it's stupid because I feel stupid saying it, and--Uugh!--I feel like you saying that but...”

“Saying what?”

“Saying I'm stupid before I actually do anything stupid.” okay... “Sorry, Narrie, but you do it all the time.” No offense taken, thank you. “No offense.” Okay, fine. You still haven’t said anything yet, though. What's going on and why did you tell Tee? He feels so awkward about it. “I told Tee that I have feelings for Sneetni because--” She interrupted herself “does Tee still-- oh, I can't ask you to tell me. I will anyway...”

“Kate, I'm listening, but you're not making much sense.”

“I know! I'm sorry. It's just...” I swear, I'm listening, but this girl isn't saying anything. She's making this awkward, and I don't get why. “I have feelings for Sneetni. And I�"I don't know... What I... um...”

“You don't know...?”

“I don't know what to do? I don't know how to respond?”

“Has he done anything for you to respond to?”

“No, I just don't know how to respond to myself now that I've acknowledged... this.”

“Okay.”

“And I told Tee, too.” Yes, you did. “And I don't know why I did that! I wasn't thinking, I guess, and I know he's a sensitive dude. Well, not really, but he lets these things eat away at him.” She frowned. “I don't know. I don't even know if...” She tucked hair behind her ear and sighed. She was making this into something bigger than it needed to be.

“Tee wants to know why you told him.” Her expression changed.

“Oh? Why does he think?”

“He doesn't know... that's why... he wants to know.”

“Oh... okay... to be friendly? I was excited to have figured out something about myself and he happened to be right there, so I needed to tell somebody.” Okay. Not a super satisfactory answer, but I'll take it. She frowned. “Sorry.” I tilted my head. Sorry for what? “For... being stupid. Don't tell me I'm not stupid, because that's not what I'm looking for. I'm sorry for being stupid, Narrie, but thanks for... you.” She took my hand and smiled. “Thanks for you.” Her words sounded sentimental, and I wish I understood her more.

Author's Note

Suggestions are very welcome! :)