Someone Incomplete

As I look around the walls of the room assigned to me

I see mementoes alluding to times that used to be

They are meant to represent parts of who I am

Instead, they remind me I am lost as a lamb

I don't know who I am.

Who I know I am is someone incomplete.

I don't know who I am.

I cling like a barnacle to those few who I love

Pushing everyday and kicking just to stay above

The water, or else I might drown in my own sadness 

For if I don't give and receive love today, no practice 

No perfect, I might end up tomorrow turned upside down

Fighting now the other way - to stay underground 

And when that happens, I'll dig a hole so very deep

Only those I love and who love me will ever get a peek

I don't know who I am.

Who I know I am is someone incomplete.

I don't know who I am.

I try to keep up a conversation, build a relation

And instead I get a fixation, no hobby or recreation

It's now something I feel like I need to function,

That sense of belonging, I crave it and begin destruction 

Of everything else because something to which I can hold

Is more powerful than gold; something to not let me fold

All I want is an unwavering sense that I am wanted

But until that intangible hour, I will myself be haunted.

I don't know who I am.

Who I know I am is someone incomplete.

I don't know who I am.

As I look around the walls of the room assigned to me

I see mementoes alluding to times that used to be

They are meant to represent parts of who I am

Instead, they remind me I am lost as a lamb.

Author's Note

Any constructive criticism and/or feedback is much appreciated :)

Reviews

[TheAimlessWanderer]

wow this absolutely breathtakingly fantastic i completely resonated with this especially since i suffer severe chronic depression and dissociation i wake up everyday losing a part of myself in the everyday wondering if there ever was that part there to begin with memories don't seem like mine and the emotions attached to things no longer exist making me wonder if they were ever there everyday searching for a new thing to grasp onto to form me as a person because i don't hold any particular attachment to thoughts or feeling when they are sometimes briefly there questioning life everyday questioning what thoughts feeling and opinions i have a constant flood not knowing where i am in all that just floating along caught up with winds and carried to new realizations which are shortly dissected and invalidated you are a very eloquent writer and not in the traditional sense but you have this wonderful natural flow to your words and i personally felt connected to every word you wrote the imagery was really illuminating and i am a huge fan of the way you used repetition it really brought it all home for me when you have something you are missing you seek it out in others or try to fix it and the image becomes clouded and you become lost in a sea fog grasping onto the fleeting things passing by but those pieces you collect will not stick because 2 different half's do not make a whole and many fragments of different mirrors do not make reflection of i amazing write Clara this is now one of my favorites thank you (:

[Clara Kevie]

Thank you so much for your review and for sharing your personal connection with this piece. I'm so happy it resonated with you :)

[Bacchus]

this could be a beautiful song
it is how I felt before a diagnosis
interesting to relate to it that way-
haven't felt this way for 10+ years
and it came flooding back to me
that's what good writing does.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"All I want is an unwavering sense that I am wanted
But until that intangible hour, I will myself be haunted."
So true! I feel the same.
Also that hunt of finding and understanding one's own self is never-ending in my opinion.
Great read ☺

[Michael (Letters and Li..]

May I just say that this poem is something special. It's a rare find, that as you start to read it, it just seems so natural, like you always knew it and like it was written specifically for the reader. I hope that made sense because the feelings and emotions I got from this brilliant piece of writing are beyond description. This is just a masterpiece.

[Clara Kevie]

Thank you so much! I was feeling an unusually tangible sense of being incomplete when I wrote it and I like how it turned out. I'm so glad you enjoyed it ^_^