I hoped

I thought there could be something I could do.

I hoped,

If I contort and color my face,

I smile big and laugh,

I pretend I'm comfortable in my skin,

I pretend I'm already happy,

I hoped

You would think I'm pretty,

Think I'm worth something more than dirt,

Worth more than I tell myself I know I am… 

Dirt.

I thought there could be something I could do.

I hoped,

Even though you showed no sign of interest,

No pity for my decaying state,

No acknowledgment of my effort, 

To be everything you could hope for.

I thought there could be something I could do.

I hoped

To make you say, "wow" or, "hey" or, "you seem nice."

I just want to get to know you

But I can't make the first move,

So the blame would fall on you

But don't worry; I blame myself for everything.

I thought there could be something I could do.

I hoped,

But today, I prettied myself and pettied myself,

And laughed, and smiled, and pretended to be happy,

Forced myself to pay you little attention,

Forced myself to sound cute and giggle,

Be spontaneous, come out of my shell,

I forgot what I was hiding.

I forgot what I was hiding from.

I thought there could be something I could do.

I hoped.

Now, I'm pretty, and sociable, and funny, and sweet.

Confidence is key, and I'm a locksmith

But there's no door to open.

I thought there could be something I could do.

I hoped,

But even how I've altered myself,

It's not enough because deep down inside somewhere,

It's still me inside

And that won't change.

It never will.

And you didn't fall in love with me.

And you never will.