07 I must have Missed Something

          So we all head back to class, and I'm freaking out. Edgar's been acting off and now he's not here. What should I do? What can I do? Nothing! I can't do anything! Nothing right, anyways. By the time I'm walking into class, I've worried myself into a frenzy, and I probably look like a mess. I find myself in a state where I can't stop touching my face self-consciously, sniffing excessively because it's cold, and twiddling with my hair. Only then, in that unsettled state do I (the idiot) find out why Kate and Tee were holding those papers. What happened:

          I sat down in my usual seat. Kate sat next to me. She nudged me as people were getting settled and asked if I think I'm ready. I don't know exactly what she's talking about, but as causally as I can, I say I think I'll be fine, which was followed by a strange look from said companion next to me. What am I missing here? Mr. Evan then asked who wanted to go first. Uh-oh; first for what? Eveona's hand shot up (duh) and no one else volunteered, so she went first. A puppy monologue? really? Who's next (egged on by Eveona) was Raoul, sporting plaid neon skinny jeans. And he did some dramatic interpretation of some past 5^th grade drama, at the time very serious, but he pointed out how inane we all were (not that he's not inane now). Okay, so we were all supposed to prepare a monologue. I, well, what? I, um, do I know any monologues, just in case? Well, there's that one I did a few years ago, but I can't even remember how it starts. I'll just be a wallflower, not get picked on, please. K-Catta was next, and during her personal account of something-or-other, I realized we were supposed to write our own monologue.

          Crud. So, even if I knew one off-hand, it wouldn't matter. Sneetni's next. His monologue was intense. Really intense. Really good. How is one supposed to go after that? Tee went, and his was as funny as Sneetni's was dark, which was a quite odd change in the mood of the room. His was really good too. And just as my mood's starting to turn around, who's going to go next? No one raised their hands. Not one person! That means... yep, Mr. Evan's going to his desk. He's getting out the cup with names. It's completely random, anyone's game. Anyone could be chosen to go next. Just my luck; I'm chosen.

          Just because everyone else did, I guess, I found myself somehow having wondered to the front of the room to present. Present what?! I start muttering, “I can't do this. I can't do this.” and Mr. Evan told me to speak up. He doesn't know I haven't prepared! If only I could tell him! But now, I'm already in front of the class and I think I've been here for a while, so I... have to say something! What to say, what to say! I look at Mr. Evan desperately trying to form my mouth around some form of blabbering that'll tell him I can't go right now, but as I just stand there like an idiot, looking at him with my mouth half open, he says, “Oh, you may begin” He's normally so understanding! Okay, calm down. Deep breath. I tell myself that one more whole second of science is going to kill me, so I open my mouth and hope something comes out.

          “Hi! Or, I don't know what to say” oh, fantastic! “or, what I mean is... to begin. Beginnings are hard.” well, that's true... and I can work with that “I don't know how to begin. People say to begin at the beginning, well there are so many places where one could begin!” where is this going? “at the very beginning would be long and boring and... tedious” Uhhh... “and starting too far in would, uh, make the listener confused.” okay? … and... what else? My mind went blank. I tried to think, but that wasn't working, so I tried opening my mouth, and seeing what came out. “Peacocks!” What?! “Peacocks are a good beginning.” What?! “They... erm... symbolize...” Act like I know what I'm talking about! “beauty, and birds... and um, the beginning of what I'm talking about is...” ahhhh!! “The first time I saw a peacock, I was mesmerized. And I saw one this morning, and it reminded me of that first time I saw one.” I've never actually seen a peacock! What do I know about them?! “They are very strange animals, and that is why I say they are in the beginning.” er... “everyone starts out strange” no, that's not what I meant. “Every individual is strange at first to another, but as the two get to know each other, they see each other as less strange and more beautiful.” That sounded conclude-y okay, I'm done! I quickly walked to my seat at I was clapped for, and spent the rest of the class calming down from hyperventilation.

          I'm not sure what happened after that, but I didn't fail and I think I did pretty darn well for not being prepared. Also, some people got to go next time we have class; so unfair! Oh well. At least I won't be up all night working on writing and memorizing and whatever. It's over, I shouldn't think about it anymore. I should think about... lunch.

          And so lunch came and I sat with Kate and Tee and we talked.

          “Did you seriously wing it?” asked Kate.

          “Yeah, I had no idea anything was assigned” I replied truthfully. They nodded in appreciation of my genius, but all I could recall was a horrible pounding adrenaline surge. Then, there was a bit of a silence.

          Kate said, “Oh, I've been meaning to ask you guys” we nodded “are you going to Ms. T's party?” Oh, that! I've been meaning to bring it up, too.

          Tee said, “If you guys are going, I'll probably go... especially if Edgar comes; we need to catch up.”

“Yeah.” I said “I think I'll go if you're coming” They nodded.

Tee said, “I heard she's renting out an old apartment building!” and Kate and I said, “Yeah.”

          And that was that day- full of interruptions right where you don't need them. Also, I kept bringing up Edgar, and Tee told me not to worry about it. The way he said it made me stop bugging them about it because it felt like if I brought it up again I'd be being very annoying. During an odd feeling silence, Tee offered to have Kate and me over at his house. Kate said she thought I should go, but she had things to do. I was tired and didn't really feel like going, but he insisted, and so I'll be going to his house tonight.

Author's Note

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