Nails

I was at a store the other day looking at nail polish because I had a fancy thing to go to and I needed nail polish. Have you ever looked at nail polish? This store had a whole isle of nail polish! I just need one! They had enough for everyone in the county to take one. I’m serious; there were so many bottles. You’d think they’d have the colors of the rainbow and light and darker variations, and that’s it because you can’t have more colors than that. Well, there was one section that has colors like that, but there were also metallic polishes�"if you really want to attract someone�"and there was a whole other section for varying degrees of sparkliness. Like, the color gradient of nail polish is roygbiv, black, white, and sparkle. And there are textured ones, too! I just always assumed if there was texture, I just wasn’t very good at applying it. They have polish that cracks. I think some freethinking employee messed up the formula one day and’s just like, “No! It’s art! They’ll love it! Just sell it in different bottles and don’t fire me!” …I thought when the polish started cracking, that means you’re supposed to take it off. They have stuff that cracks on purpose! Also, there are degrees of texture�"it’s like the 4^th dimension of nail polish. Again, I thought you just weren’t applying it well, or it was old if it had texture, but whatever. They have polish that’s textured like sand. I tried it, and it went on like normal polish. I waited for it to dry, and I felt it… and yeah… it feels sandpaper-esque… okay… now what? Is there some hidden practicality? I’ll just run up to my friends like, “OMG feel my nails!” and they’ll be in awe like, “OMG they totally feel like sand.” …if I’m going to a party on the beach, it’d totally match! Or if I have an itch on my nose, I could scratch it really well! Or if I’m bored in school, I can just exfoliate myself to stay awake. Like, after a boring class on a block day, my arms would be so soft! Or maybe if anyone’s in need of sandpaper, I’ll be like, “I can do that!” … unless they need to sand a chalkboard.