Writer's Pains

God, I hate those days.

I'm sure you've had them too, those monstrous piles of hours that you spend sitting in front of a white page. Well, sepia in my case if you really want to know. Okay, granted, you probably don't - but hey, you've learned something important about me today, isn't that great? I prefer sepia over white. Big shock, eh? Surely the mind blowing twist of the year.

So while you procrastinate over meaningless details like favorite background colors, the cursor blinks away the scarce time you have set aside for the supposedly best occupation in the world: writing! You stare at the accusing void and alternate between cursing your stupid, unfocused mind and your poor imagination. Eventually your spouse comes home and casually remarks that your hobby doesn't look nearly as much fun as you keep insisting it is. You snap at him and use your feigned anger as an excuse to skip shared dinner. Instead you lock yourself into your room, hoping that you've managed to lock your creativity in with you. If only creativity had a neck, so you could tie a leash around it…

"Pleeease mum, can I keep him?" You think in a whiny child's voice, "I promise I'll take Sparky out for a walk every day! Don't you worry, I won't forget to feed him and take him to the vet."

Jeez, just look at that scabby mutt at your feet. Maybe your flea-bitten creativity needs a vitamin shot or something.

Anyway, no matter how much you rack your brain, the sepia page - or white, or black, or neon pink… seriously, neon pink? Who the hell can concentrate looking at that hideous abomination of color? Alright, alright, it's your page. Use whatever color you prefer, just don't complain to me if it eventually gives you eye cancer.

But back to the point. Desperate to get something onto the page you line up your characters and have a heart to heart talk with them. Your cast turns out to be enthusiastic, they trust their author; heaven knows why, it's not like you've done them much justice so far. Nevertheless, you think:  'Action!' or simply: 'Go!' and they instantly slip into their designated roles, like the real pro's they are. You're just glad that someone in this tragicomedy turns out to be professional and eager to follow their example you start to write down what they're playing out for you in your mind.

And boy, are they good! They act and emote their hearts out, they breeze across the sketchy scenery, bring the cardboard props, you haven't even bothered to paint yet, to full life with their interactions and their dialog is just divine. They make you weep and laugh, you shiver with fear when they face the monsters you throw at them and their bravery makes you wonder how these marvelous beings ever came into existence. You simply cannot comprehend how they could have possibly sprung from your boring little brain.

Your fingers dance across the keyboard, nimbly tapping the letters to the rhythm of your characters. Finally, the page is filling. You feel the feverish excitement gripping you, drawing you into the story. You become a part of your play, not as the omnipotent creator others might take you for but as a conductor. Skillfully you direct the general theme, yet you are wise enough to rely on your fictional friends to breathe harmonious life into your symphony.

Exhausted you slouch back into your chair. A satisfied grin on your flushed face you replay the final chords of this masterpiece. So beautiful!

Wallowing in vast gratitude for life in general and imagination in particular you look at your players and find them awkwardly staring back at you. The supporting characters smile politely, shrug and turn away. The antagonist glares at you, threateningly clenching his fists, and even the two-dimensional cutouts find surprisingly nuanced ways to express their disappointment.

Puzzled you turn to your protagonist, one of your best friends for many years. "What's the matter?" you ask him.

He puffs out his cheeks and scratches his head. "It's just…well… is that really the best you can do?"

Thunderstruck you scroll to the top of your page and start reading. The scarlet blotches of entrancement on your cheeks turn a dark crimson of embarrassment as you skim over your work. Instead of a spicy dish of delicious writing you encounter a disgusting clot of ill-combined words. Somehow you have managed to drown the crispy metaphors your characters have bestowed on you in an oily sludge of saturated clichés, bound to give the reader heartburn. The stilted dialog, bearing no resemblance to the clever colloquies you witnessed, feels like stale leftovers from a first-grader's homework.

Oh my god, is it bad!

You scrub your hands over your face and consider changing your background color to distract yourself from the hideous writing. All of a sudden neon pink doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

The sound of soft scratching saves you from risking your eyesight. You turn your head and see Sparky scraping at the door. He whimpers and you start to feel sorry for him, almost as much as for yourself. With a sigh you untie the leash from your creativity and set him free. He instantly breaks away from your stuffy room; But then he stops and looks at you with his faithful doggy eyes, encouragingly wagging his tail. He waits for you. Reluctantly you get up and take him for a walk. What else can you do? It's just one of those days.

Author's Note

I hope you have nearly as much fun reading as I had writing it ;-)
As always - all comments are most welcome!

Reviews

[odium]

So, I'm the only one who gets up at 2:00 A.M. after a dream and writes for hours on end without pause or problem? Nevermind that, I loved your writing! You captured the struggles of every writer in an interesting and hilarious way. Especially the "Oh my god, it is bad!" part, a crushing realization for us all. Well done!

[Kaliope]

Oh, lucky you if never get writer's block. I don't get it all that often but I am quite prone to procrastination and sometimes those two things go hand in hand :-)
Thanks for the read and your kind words!

[Emiko Tagahushi]

This piece made me laugh so hard. :D I could relate to everything happening and it just made me snicker. I have the exact same problem where when I finally get writing I think - aw man, this is so epic! I even have epic music playing in the background. (I never thought about changing the color of the page haha) Then I sit there and enjoy the moment, but when I read it over again, the work is absolutely hideous hahahaha. The part where the characters are looking awkwardly back at the writer is too funny. I love the way you describe it. This whole piece is so creative, and the ending is so true. Maybe you just need to take writing for a walk and actually nurture it. :) Great, great, great writing.

[Kaliope]

Haha, I play epic music too when I write, kind of helps the flow of emotions I'd like to think :-)

I'm really thrilled that you and others have enjoyed this piece, it was great fun to write. So thank you for this lovely review!

[JulianaSun]

Oh, that was brilliantly written, Kaliope. Comparing creativity with a dog is so ingenious and funny! Also, I love your style. It´s lively and inspiring and delightful. I enjoy reading your works just as mush as I enjoy eating chocolate :)
As for English being yor second language...well, it doesn´t even show because your writing is flawless ( English is my second/almost third language too, so I understand your worries).
Now, back to the present piece...I feel completely indentified with your character ( which is you ;). How many times have I stared at the blank page ( neon pink, really? do people actually use it) cursing at my tongue-tied brain and listless imagination! Uff, inspiration can be such a...witch sometimes. But, just as you do, I lock myself in my room and glue my eyes to the laptop screen and wait...and await...and wait...
All in all - aka as a conclusion - thumbs up! You deserve an A+++ for this one ;)

J

[Kaliope]

Thank you so, so, so much J, your kind words made me smile all day. Honestly, I actually read your comment in office, shortly before going into a (very boring) meeting and I was grinning all way through. I bet my colleagues wondered what was up with my goofy grin :-D

[Elodie Thompson]

What you wrote above is absolutely true. This is exactly what I go through every time I try to focus too hard on writing something. But at one point my father told me that the 'ideas just come to you, you mustn't force them upon yourself.'
The descriptive language that was used in the story was magnificent. It was wonderful to read.

[Kaliope]

Thank you so much!

[Elodie Thompson]

No worries. It was a great read.

[Kelsey Schadt]

I enjoyed the voice you created, and found myself smiling at the truths in this wriring

[Kaliope]

Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it :-)

[Anthony Galetti]

Hahaha, so true, so true... I have many days like this. Love it!

[Kaliope]

Hehe, thank you so much, I'm glad I'm not alone with having those weird days :-)