Writer's Pains

God, I hate those days.

I'm sure you've had them too, those monstrous piles of hours that you spend sitting in front of a white page. Well, sepia in my case if you really want to know. Okay, granted, you probably don't - but hey, you've learned something important about me today, isn't that great? I prefer sepia over white. Big shock, eh? Surely the mind blowing twist of the year.

So while you procrastinate over meaningless details like favorite background colors, the cursor blinks away the scarce time you have set aside for the supposedly best occupation in the world: writing! You stare at the accusing void and alternate between cursing your stupid, unfocused mind and your poor imagination. Eventually your spouse comes home and casually remarks that your hobby doesn't look nearly as much fun as you keep insisting it is. You snap at him and use your feigned anger as an excuse to skip shared dinner. Instead you lock yourself into your room, hoping that you've managed to lock your creativity in with you. If only creativity had a neck, so you could tie a leash around it…

"Pleeease mum, can I keep him?" You think in a whiny child's voice, "I promise I'll take Sparky out for a walk every day! Don't you worry, I won't forget to feed him and take him to the vet."

Jeez, just look at that scabby mutt at your feet. Maybe your flea-bitten creativity needs a vitamin shot or something.

Anyway, no matter how much you rack your brain, the sepia page - or white, or black, or neon pink… seriously, neon pink? Who the hell can concentrate looking at that hideous abomination of color? Alright, alright, it's your page. Use whatever color you prefer, just don't complain to me if it eventually gives you eye cancer.

But back to the point. Desperate to get something onto the page you line up your characters and have a heart to heart talk with them. Your cast turns out to be enthusiastic, they trust their author; heaven knows why, it's not like you've done them much justice so far. Nevertheless, you think:  'Action!' or simply: 'Go!' and they instantly slip into their designated roles, like the real pro's they are. You're just glad that someone in this tragicomedy turns out to be professional and eager to follow their example you start to write down what they're playing out for you in your mind.

And boy, are they good! They act and emote their hearts out, they breeze across the sketchy scenery, bring the cardboard props, you haven't even bothered to paint yet, to full life with their interactions and their dialog is just divine. They make you weep and laugh, you shiver with fear when they face the monsters you throw at them and their bravery makes you wonder how these marvelous beings ever came into existence. You simply cannot comprehend how they could have possibly sprung from your boring little brain.

Your fingers dance across the keyboard, nimbly tapping the letters to the rhythm of your characters. Finally, the page is filling. You feel the feverish excitement gripping you, drawing you into the story. You become a part of your play, not as the omnipotent creator others might take you for but as a conductor. Skillfully you direct the general theme, yet you are wise enough to rely on your fictional friends to breathe harmonious life into your symphony.

Exhausted you slouch back into your chair. A satisfied grin on your flushed face you replay the final chords of this masterpiece. So beautiful!

Wallowing in vast gratitude for life in general and imagination in particular you look at your players and find them awkwardly staring back at you. The supporting characters smile politely, shrug and turn away. The antagonist glares at you, threateningly clenching his fists, and even the two-dimensional cutouts find surprisingly nuanced ways to express their disappointment.

Puzzled you turn to your protagonist, one of your best friends for many years. "What's the matter?" you ask him.

He puffs out his cheeks and scratches his head. "It's just…well… is that really the best you can do?"

Thunderstruck you scroll to the top of your page and start reading. The scarlet blotches of entrancement on your cheeks turn a dark crimson of embarrassment as you skim over your work. Instead of a spicy dish of delicious writing you encounter a disgusting clot of ill-combined words. Somehow you have managed to drown the crispy metaphors your characters have bestowed on you in an oily sludge of saturated clichés, bound to give the reader heartburn. The stilted dialog, bearing no resemblance to the clever colloquies you witnessed, feels like stale leftovers from a first-grader's homework.

Oh my god, is it bad!

You scrub your hands over your face and consider changing your background color to distract yourself from the hideous writing. All of a sudden neon pink doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

The sound of soft scratching saves you from risking your eyesight. You turn your head and see Sparky scraping at the door. He whimpers and you start to feel sorry for him, almost as much as for yourself. With a sigh you untie the leash from your creativity and set him free. He instantly breaks away from your stuffy room; But then he stops and looks at you with his faithful doggy eyes, encouragingly wagging his tail. He waits for you. Reluctantly you get up and take him for a walk. What else can you do? It's just one of those days.

Author's Note

I hope you have nearly as much fun reading as I had writing it ;-)
As always - all comments are most welcome!

Reviews

[odium]

So, I'm the only one who gets up at 2:00 A.M. after a dream and writes for hours on end without pause or problem? Nevermind that, I loved your writing! You captured the struggles of every writer in an interesting and hilarious way. Especially the "Oh my god, it is bad!" part, a crushing realization for us all. Well done!

[Kaliope]

Oh, lucky you if never get writer's block. I don't get it all that often but I am quite prone to procrastination and sometimes those two things go hand in hand :-)
Thanks for the read and your kind words!

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Loved loved loved this
You are brilliant writer
I wrote a very short poem called writing versus jake about my dog several weeks ago
Yours is spectacular

[Kaliope]

Thank you for your kind words! I'll make sure to take a look at the poem you mentioned :-)

[SimoneSays]

I love your writing style. It felt natural and conversational; almost as if you were confiding these thoughts to me personally. Also, it was all too relatable for anyone who writes! I really enjoyed reading it.

[Kaliope]

Thank you so much! I can see that you don't have anything published yet, but if you ever want me to review a story of yours, please feel free to contact me via PM.

[L.C. Jarrette]

i really had fun reading!! haha...i can totally relate to this, as i had experienced...one of those days.

[Kaliope]

Thank you very much!

[alanwgraham]

Brilliant kali. You have described the agonies and ecstasies of the creative process superbly and with a lot of wit. I guess we are all different but my creative urge comes from my bipolar. I don't tend to sit with blank paper but ideas seem to just materialise, often fully formed. Then the hard work begins! By the way, is the dog metaphorical?
Cheers,
Alan

[Kaliope]

I'm glad you liked that one, it's certainly the most autobiographic piece I've written so far. I'm no stranger to creative overflow either and I often curse my fingers for not being able to keep up with the vast ideas in my mind :-)
Nevertheless, I do have phases of crippling, creative droughts as well. Don't know the exact diagnosis for my condition, but I'm fairly sure I'm slightly deranged. While Sparky was purely metaphorical, the part about talking to my fictional characters is utterly true, so how sane can I possibly be? Nevertheless, I try to make the best of my madness :-D
Cheers,
Kali

[alanwgraham]

Thanks, You are not on your own! It is only reatively recently that I have discovered writing as an outlet for all the ideas that rattle about in my head. When I read what I've written I think 'where the hall has that come from?' In my case I have no doubt that the bipolar that I developed some time ago has definitely loosened the connections in my brain and turned up the setting on the what is possible filter. I really find it exciting when a story starts to materialise out of thin air.
All the best,
Alan

[Marlene]

oh i loved it! to break from strain of the amazingly fun hobby, the spouse.. he keeps buying me notepads to be able to take with me and write where ever i may go. not understanding that when i turn to a keyboard to edit and do, i end up exactly as ashamed as you.
i love how you think of your creativity as a dog, to me the tension creeps in when there is a mosquito buzzing around, a nasty bug on my window or a spider in the corner of the room glaring at me.

[Kaliope]

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed my story :-)

[Raylene]

Amazing write, really speaks to us writer I laughed at the neon pink paper line. I personally use a yellow notepad for my ideas, I love how you executed the idea of your creativity as a pet, yet I think if you are to argue with something maybe the creativity could be a person so they could respond, however (Claps) I must say you have surprised me with this well done

[Kaliope]

Thank you very much for your kind words. If there's anything in particular you'd like me to review in return, please don't hesitate to tell me :-)

[Raylene]

Well if you would not mind I could use commentary on my book fairy land I just added two chapters and I wanted to make sure the book was flowing well .

[Shannon]

I really enjoy 2nd person narratives and this was a particularly enjoyable one. I appreciate the glimpse into your writing process and I loved your characterization of the a puppy as a muse of sorts.

[Kaliope]

Thank you very much :-)

[Woody]

brilliant imagination, Kaliope. now and then, I'd come across a humourous piece and I invariably say the sayme thing: right up my alley!! I don't know if I had as much fun reading it as you had writing it but I sure as hell enjoyed it.
I think most of us here can easily relate. boy, that accursed writer's block!!!
really nice one Kaliope.

[Kaliope]

Thank you Woody. I had an inkling that you might like this one and I'm thrilled that you did :-) read moreThank you Woody. I had an inkling that you might like this one and I'm thrilled that you did :-)
I guess saying how much I enjoyed writing it, is a bit like laughing at one's own joke, but I just couldn't help it. Besides, someone clever once said that if you as a writer don't laugh/weep/shiver how can you expect the reader to? I'm glad we both had fun, what more can one expect? :-D

[Bobby Garfield]

"They act and emote their hearts out", I especially liked that one. Also I very much liked narrator's approach towards the characters who are allowed to breathe and who aren't merely pawns waiting for you to push them around.

[Kaliope]

Thank you very much :-)