Gray Lies

I wrote this story for a course about writing for young readers. The assignment required a text of 500 words or fewer so the challenge was to keep it short :-)

Blotches of green rushed by the window as Suzie's eyes shot open. A scream had startled her awake but she couldn't tell whether it had been real or just in her dream. She rubbed her eyes and marveled at the lush colors in the otherwise colorless world. The sky, the freeway, the car, her dress; even dad's hands on the steering wheel looked gray. Only the trees kept their lively hues.

Suzie spotted her own reflection in the window. Her face looked gray too, her eyes drained of color.

"Everything alright, darling?" Dad asked without taking his eyes off the road.

"I had a dream about running elephants," Suzie said quietly. A trumpeting flood of gray giants, she recalled with a shudder, rolling down a gray road and crushing all color in its way.

"That's nice," dad answered, tapping his fingers against the gray steering wheel.

Suzie sighed. "Does a car go faster than an elephant?" she asked.

"I suppose," her dad mumbled. He was tense. The gray car in front of them was going very slow but he didn't try to overtake it.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, fairly. There aren't many elephants running free in this part of the world, love."

Suzie looked out of the window. In the short time that she hadn't paid attention a thick concrete wall had jammed its ugly body between the freeway and the forest. Only the tallest trees peeked over its top; a dash of green against an ash-gray sky.

"Mum once told me that trees breathe," Suzie said.

Her dad remained silent.

She fiddled with the hem of her dress as she carefully composed her next question. "When trees inhale smoke, do they need to cough?"

"No love, I don't think so," he whispered hoarsely.

"That's good," Suzie replied, somewhat relieved, and smiled. Breathed in by the trees along the freeway, mum would have loved that. She would have loved the flowers and the wreaths too. So many colors in the cold, gray church.

Suzie sniffled and blinked. She hadn't cried during the funeral. Not even when the gray robed priest had handed dad a gray urn that contained gray ashes. It was not her mum.

Mum's sun yellow car had been crushed by an ocean blue truck and burned in a blazing red fire. Everything inside had gone up in black smoke. There was nothing left of her mum but a gray lie.

Tears ran down Suzie's cheeks and she caught one of them on the tip of her finger; no color whatsoever.

"Suzie?" Dad's voice sounded like he suddenly had a bad cold.

She cocked her head and caught sight of his reddened eyes in the rear-view mirror. He looked terribly worried. "It's alright dad," she assured him, "she's with the green now."

Confused he furrowed his brow. "Green?"

Suzie gave her dad a shy smile. "And red and blue and yellow and all the colors in the world. All but gray."

Author's Note

Thank you for taking the time to read my story!

English is my second language and I want to hone my skills, so please feel free to point out spelling, grammar or punctuation (my archenemy in all languages ;-)) errors as well as any expressions that don't make sense.

Hope you enjoy it, tell me what you think!

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

I really liked this Kali. Your use of focusing on colour to convey the mood of this sad situation works really well and then the resolution from grey into colour at the end is great. The world does seem grey in times of great stress. I thought your exchange about the trees is just the kind of random talk that we tend to make when we can't talk about the big issue.
Great imaginative writing!
Regards,
Alan

[Kaliope]

Thank you so much Alan. This was actually the first story I ever published and - as you can probably imagine - I was terribly nervous about it. So this little tale will always have a special place in my heart and your praise means a lot to me!

[JulianaSun]

What a delightful little story. If I had been your teacher at the writing course, I would have given you an A+. The story is like a rainbow - full of color and life. And also, I like the way you have build up Suzie´s character - affectionate and sensitive, but strong. You did a great job, Kaliope. :)

J

[Kaliope]

Thank you so much J! I was very happy with my grade, indeed it was one of the main reasons I decided to join this community and seek feedback from fellow writers. Been a bit of a closet writer up 'til now :-)

[Elodie Thompson]

Suzie is a very thoughtful person and I am inferring her to be a little girl, no older than nine or ten years of age. The story sends a lovely message regarding how Suzie was able to put her mother in such a beautiful position away from the plight that death usually brings upon people.

Very well done.

[Kaliope]

Thank you! You're spot on regarding the age :-)

[Elodie Thompson]

No worries, it was a lovely read.

[Chris]

Creative Writing teachers try to imbue students with focus... hence limits of both time and word count. And while they forget to re-inform us that cliches are real observances and descriptives and not always bad they DO stress using unexpected and untoward moments to interspace reflections with story flow...
an elephant stampede... in Vienna... toasty.

[Kaliope]

not an everyday occurrence, I assure you :-)

[Chris]

one can only hope... chuckling here

[shardha sharma]

Good one! I liked it.Keep writing and give us more stories to read.:)

[Kaliope]

Thank you, I'm working on more stories, but they are not quite finished yet :-)

[yusavage]

This story is amazing! I loved how you ended it: "all but grey"
good job!

[Kaliope]

Thank you very much! :-)

[ApKWrites]

Great!
A sad story but very well written. I like how you play with the colors. All I could visualize while reading - apart from the plot - it was colors! Very well done;)

[Kaliope]

Thank you so much, I like addressing and playing with senses in my stories and I'm very glad it worked.

[ķřăźŷ_ĺīļ_āľ�..]

It can be developed into a book. A nice story really. It makes me think of who's Suzie to her mom.

[Kaliope]

Thank you for your kind words!