why

why does everyghing happen

 

 

 

 

Why

 

im asking u why. why does everything

have to end this way, why does the skull of love have to end this way.

i have only one question to ask is WHY.

the death has come the path of destiny. why the snow melts in the devils path. i say nothing at all for the say. i have to ask why. why do u hav a chill when the devil comes to the hall way of hell. when the angels dont make it they walk down the hall way. why is there a hell? i send to all who read. if you will  be dommed for 3 years.  why 

Author's Note

this isnt true just so u no ^-^

Reviews

[Kelly D. Burris]

I'd have to say ditto on what Jess wrote. If you're willing to work, sharpen the skill..... will be very polished in the end. Jess has come along way, she's a good one to listen to.
Thanks for making the effort and being brave enough to post it. :)
Blessings,
Kelly

[Jessica Benfield]

??? ok, kayla, what??? for one, you need to spellcheck. "you" is not spelled "u". and "know" is not spelled "no" - the two words have two very different meanings, and you cant use one when you're trying to mean the other. this isnt texting, nor is it myspace. write like you would if a teacher or a publishing person was going to read it. stupid little slip ups like that can make people turn their noses up at your writing because it isnt proffessional. and i know you dont want to be a complete writer like me, but everything im saying goes for writing songs too, so pay attention!!! lol

and other than that, "and" cannot be at the beginning of every sentence. and put a little form into it! a bit of white space isnt going to bit you!!! lol, split it up into stanzas, and make it pop a bit more! you added some gray and strikethroug, now put it in lines!!!

lol and what's with the last part??? its like "you you dont read this, you'll be damned for 3 years"??? its like oe of those myspace chain bullitains! lol girl, if you want to write, and i mean SERIOUSLY write, not just kiddie, goof off writing - then you need to buckle down, take this seriously, make sure you're writing as professionally as you can. im not saying you have to be perfect. none of us were JK Rowling first starting out, but take as much advice as you can from people, an learn from it. im not trying to bust your chops or anything,im serious!!!

lol and when you write, the words have to MEAN something. likme this is a good example of the opposite of what a poem is supposed to be. its nice, and it has a nice idea and everything, but what are you trying to say??? i get you're trying to find an answer to why something happened, or is happenning, but what it going on? you leave the reader hanging, and it takes away form the angst of the narrator, it takes away from the pain of how the person if feeling telling the story. it looks like you're trying to express pain, and some raw emotion here, well, tell the reader what's wrong, andwhat you're trying to figure out. the poem should tell a story in MUCH less words. dont be like "there was a girl who got her heart broken..." NO NO NOOOO!!!!! lol show some real passion in the pain of what you're trying to express, words cant mean anything lest they are backed with emotion!!! thats what writing is! putting emotion into words so others may completely understand them!!! i hate to say it this way, but use "pretty" words. words that catch the eye, and add to the feeling of the poem; words like "suffering, passion, pain, tears of blood, tears of rain, anxiety, pain, torture" and other words like that. these words add pain, anger, and betrayal into the poem, make the reader feel the pain of the writer, and feel the tears shed behind the narrators lids. make the reader FEEL something!!! and make them feel it like a sledgehammer in the face!!! please dont write "there was a girl who got her heart broken..." OMG ANYONE can write that!!! write something only YOU can think of, make it come from your heart, rather than the mainstream in your head. make it MEAN something!!!

and normally i would say no smileys ^-^ like this. but i cant lie im guilty of it too =] lol but big advice before you do it - NO SMILIES IN THE POEMS!!!!!! its not bad when its in the description or author's note part, but dont put it in the writing!!! lol i know you didnt do it, but knowing you it would have happened!! lol

ok? ok, and capitalization is a GOOD thing! lol you dont have to when you're writing, but go back and spellcheck, spellcheck, SPELLCHECK!!! lol it means everything, trust me!

again, im not trying to bust your chops, kayla, just trying to give some guidance, trust me im NOT perfect, i made nearly ALL of the mistakes you made here, so im just trying to save you some greif from having it be too late and too much of a habit to change =/ so suck it up and listen *and knowing you thats probably VERY hard!* lol ok? keep writing, and work on it! trust me, I KNOW ALL... lol jk jk jk but you never know what i know... lol

love ya!
jess