8:53

Again, not a story just a way to get it out.

I get scared sometimes, that I’m going to check my phone one night and see that awfully long text from you. Starting with my name, followed by all the nicknames you call me. Saying how much you loved me, and how glad you were to have met me. You know, I never actually finished reading your text. At the moment I felt like if I read the whole thing it might really be too late.

I have never been more panicked that fast in my life. I called you and it rang once before you declined it. I was not about to give up. So I called again and again until it went straight to voicemail. We both agreed to never call our moms unless it was an emergency. This time, it was life or death. Literally. Your mom didn’t really know what was happening. I told her to go to your bathroom where I knew you’d be. What I didn’t know though, was no one had called your mom yet. I was the first one.

She found you laying down looking sicker than ever. With empty bottles scattered across the floor and newly made marks on your forearms, she had to hang up so she could help you. Then all of a sudden, I was alone, in the bathroom of my dance studio. I ran back upstairs with tears streaming down my face to grab my bag, I talked to no one and kept my eyes down. I called my mom to pick me up but she couldn’t get there any sooner. I couldn’t stop crying. Then my crying became bawling and I collapsed on the floor. If I lost you, I would have no one.

It was such a selfish thought and I couldn’t believe I let myself think it. Stay positive, she’ll be okay. But what if she wasn’t? What if I called too late? I had hundreds of what if’s floating around in my head. Then it all went silent. For a brief moment, I was completely alone. It was, without a doubt, the worst moment of my life.

They told me you had made it to the hospital and would stay overnight. The next morning I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t walk into school without my partner in crime next to me. But I was forced to go anyways, so I went late and was practically dragged into the counselors' office. Every V.P was there, all the counselors, and all the social workers. I walked in and it went dead silent. I refused to talk to my counselor. I didn’t want to recap the worst night of my life. I didn’t want to tell them I stayed up until 3 am bawling my eyes out hoping my best friend was still alive. So I sat quietly, while she stared waiting for me to say something. “Maybe, today you should just stay home, try to get some rest. Let me talk to your mom.” Alone in the small room, I prayed I wouldn’t have to make a reappearance here for the next two weeks because I couldn’t handle being alone.

My sister dragged me to the mall that afternoon and in the middle of a busy store, my heart jumped out of my chest. Snapchat from: Best B***h<3. I had never been so happy in my entire life. I’m ok guys<3. I burst into tears. She’s alive. Since then, I have cherished every moment with you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. You mean more to me than anything in this world. You are my best friend, soulmate, sister, and mom all wrapped in one. My life would be so drastically different if I had lost you that night. I love you with all my heart and I always will<3