Start of Good Days

This is story of girl whose life is full of unexpected turns and twists

Start  of  good  days

Sun rose beautifully in the sky  and breeze  was  blowing as if some  musical  instrument playing .  In this  excited town of  Roseberg , everyone was  busy in their own world .Due to  Refugee cries this town wasn’t  been  able to be part of any holy or worldly celebrations as everyone was adjusting to this unwanted situation . But today was a special day  as their  town was again going to witness celebrations after almost year and half gap. Today  they have a New Year fair. Everyone was trying to finish their work as soon as possible and be part of this fair .Excitement could felt in the breeze of this town . From city corners  to the central market of the city everyone was discussing about the New Year fair .Their excitement was evident. But  in this  overly excited place  there was one girl Ifra Sheikh ,,,, roaming everywhere ,whose sadness was evident on her face , her clothes were half torn and her hair seems liked washed a century ago , her eyes have dried up crying. Who so ever saw her was astonished as in the season of festival this girl seemed from another world but no one took the pain of asking her problem or giving her relief …either they pitied her or they laugh at her . But this girl no matter how sad she was, has been impatiently waiting for New Year fair as that was the only way she could survived her coming days of  life. Soon the sun sunk behind the mountain and moon took over the sky now the whole town was empty but  you could easily see all  the people gathered at the back of town in the huge ground of which one corner was decked up by ferries wheel, jumping jackal  ,dragon boat etc, on the other corners of fair there was different shop of different cuisine, one corner  was full of  artistic pieces from all over the world . For the people of Rosebeg this was nothing less than a dream . For almost one and a half year all of them were adjusting to everything unexpected  .This was something they desperately  wanted  and  fortunately their wish seemed to be granted .As the people of Roseberg were enjoying their fest they  saw a little misshaping before they could guess out what they heard voices  “catch  her  she is a thief ” “thief !!!”,“ thief!!!”.Everyone one started shouting  and  soon a fair turn out as fish market with everyone shouting and running here and there everyone seemed to have had a panic  attack. A gala time was soon converted  into horrific situation whom nobody knew how to get out of . But in this hustle bustle main culprit ran  away and yes she ran with the speed of thunder .Soon she entered in dark dusty little room  before she could take a breath she heard her little brother saying  “till when will you do these kind of theft ,Can’t  we earn  a good honest hard earned  money ”.    She had no answer to this question she started thinking how to explain her little brother that nobody wants to become bad it is the circumstances that force them in a bad profession and make them bad. Soon she started turning past pages of life . It has been year and half since she moved to Roseberg as refugee before here she used to live in Koh-e-Fiza with her small but happy family but due to that placed been took over by terrorist who were also responsible for the death of her parent  .She was left with nothing , not a single penny of money was left .After lots of difficulties, she with her  7years old brother Salman was able to shift to Roseberg which was officially declared   as a ‘town for refugee’ .Although in the initial months when they were in refugee camp government took care of their needs but as soon as things  started to normalize government took  their services back .Now again she was left with nothing no home , no money  she couldn’t  continue her studies as there wasn’t single penny left ,,she tried to get herself  a job but her attempts met no result . At last when her younger brother couldn’t stop crying due to hungry stomach she was left with no option but to steal. Initially she started  with stealing food then little things then money and now she was a full fledge thief whom till date nobody could catch as firstly she use to run very very  fast and secondly her body was covered from head to toe only her eyes were visible. She sometime use to laugh at life she always aspire to become a teacher as she consider it as the  noblest and most important  profession but look at life it had made her thief . There was a time when she wouldn’t even speak a lie and there is now a time in which she is being lying to herself as everything will be fine when nothing seems to be fine .Thinking about past tears starting flowing her eyes . Soon she heard whistle of cooker her cousin sister Raziya  has prepare dinner. While eating   her dinner she could easily see her Salman mighty miffed with her. After finishing her dinner she went to Salman who straight away turn  his face in opposite direction. After lots of buttering he finally announced that “ if she will leave this stealing business only after then  he will talk to her else he won’t ”.Although  she at that time promised him to never steal again but  afterwards she sunk into  deep thinking  that if she won’t  steal  then how will they fill their stomach. She couldn’t break her promise as at  no cost she will become villain in the eyes of her brothers but then what will she do ?? Soon thinking over this she fell asleep .In morning she woke up with same doubt .As soon as she reached her kitchen for morning tea she saw  newspaper with a big advertisement of  lottery of $17,00,000,,, wait WHAT !! $17,00,000  .She couldn’t believe her own eyes after going through the  advertisement  several time and checking the date it was 26/12/17 that means newspaper is of today .She finally got solution to her every problem . As she couldn’t go out due to yesterday’s  theft as police must be searching for thief although her being caught up chances are less but at no cost she is going to take this risk. She ordered her cousin sister Raziya to bring one lottery ticket on her name .Soon her ordered were fulfilled .Now she impatiently waited for  29 December 2017 as on this day  they will announce the winner. Although in her head  she is already declared  as a winner but she thought to wait for an official announcement .But still she had 2days left before finally her good days start .She started to plan her investments firstly she called a builder and  booked a flat in the main city she paid advance through the money  of yesterday theft , she then called  a good city school and enrolled her younger brother Salman in class 5, she then enrolled herself in a crash course , she also booked a course of beauty treatment for Raziya  , she finally booked a party hall for 29 December as she should celebrate her start of good day. Salman  who was observing her since last 3 hrs was amused   when he asked “  why all these sudden GOOD changes” he was met with the reply that her sister got a job in near-by spa and salon .Whatever her sister was not stealing was the only  thing he cared about. Now finally the day arrived “ START OF GOOD DAYS ”.After lots of speeches from sponsors now was the time when finally they were announcing winner name and as soon as anchor said “ and the name is ”,  Ifra’s  heart almost bumped  out of her chest. Finally the anchor said that the winner is Ifra Sheikh she jumped out of the chair she hugged Raziya and people who were around but suddenly a girl from beside her, walked over the staged and received the $17,00,000  Cheque . Ifra was hell shocked “ how is this possible ?? ” she thought , as she is Ifra Sheikh. She soon started searching for her lottery ticket while searching in the her pockets  she found one pocket torn. Now she understood everything completely , she was met by her own actions . Well  during the speeches of sponsor she felt a sudden push but as everyone was sitting very close to  one another she was unable to point out who pushed her but actually in that push the girl sitting beside her stealthily  put  her hand in Ifra’s pocket and stole that  lottery ticket, in hope that she may be lucky and yes her hope  paid off . When the girl returned  from the stage and sat beside  Ifra. She  just smiled  Ifra also smiled backed as that girl gave Ifra the taste of her own medicine but now  Ifra’s  good day were not near instead she  had to bear another lie that she work in spa and salon and keep on stealing money  as she had already booked so many things gave advance payment  and cancelation means all the money dumped in dustbin which she won’t do. soon her phone rang and the lady next to call said “ma’am your party hall has been booked please pay the rest of amount ”Ifra just smiled and cut the call now she have to go back to stealing .Sadly.

Author's Note

I hope that you all had a good read.Plz feel free to point out the thing that seem wrong as they will help me to become a better writer.Constructive criticisms is always welcome.and i also hope that i have improved and had not made same mistakes

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I am proud of you for working so hard to improve your use of English. I won't lie, there are many issues about the way you use the language, but everything you write is understandable. The strength of your storyline is what helps the reader keep going & figuring out the language issues, becuz you've done a good job of making the elements of your story flow.

The thing I find hardest to read is having one big block of solid black text. This would be easier to read if broken into paragraphs, which give readers a natural breaking point. Many writers are not sure where to break for a new paragraph, so they don't break at all. Just try to make a new paragraph when something major changes in your story, like at first you describe the town, then you could do a break before describing the New Year fair, then another break before you start describing the girl in detail. It's better to have a break in the wrong place than to have no breaks, which makes this hard to read.

Good luck practicing . . . we all have to practice to get better. I'm proud of you for not being afraid to post your work as you learn to write English better & better!

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Thanks for reading next time will try to break story in paragraph and write and yes about grammatical mistake ,i generally read it myself before i post something but at that time i am unable to find any mistake but the moment i post my story and read then the mistake pop-up and i am unable to rectify

[Ted Kniffen]

Kaina, I will not go over what the others have said, no sense belaboring a point. The plot to your story was a good one. The irony of a thief being robbed could go a long way to making a great story. The advice given by the other writers is all good. Keep at this and when you have an edited version, let us read it again. Keep writing.

[Moper]

Nicely written story. I like how it all ended, although it is pretty sad for the main character. I just feel like that's just how unfair life is.

[Luna]

Who are you and what have you done to Kaina???
OMG That's amazing you improved and Yes it was a nicely written story. But I have to say there was no gap between the lines it was hard to read because of that, try using paragraphs next time that will make your writing easy to read and more elegant :) Best wishes.

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Oh luna you so sweet for sure will keep improving thanks .keep reading

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

I advise you to separate the block of solid text into paragraphs. The emotion and detail of this story is excellent. You could proofread it and edit out any grammar errors.

[bibin Sebastian]

nice expression of ideas . well thoughts. my suggestion make it maximum small because new generation do not want to read a lot. try to express maximum ideas in minimum words. well done .

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Thanks will for sure try to implement your adcive

[wordman]

you wrote a great story,i really enjoyed the imagery you put in to it.

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Thanks wordman

[matrixmark]

Your grammar still needs to worked on on. When people shout things out NEVER use capitals. Just use an exclamation mark after the shouting bit.

Don't forget to use separate paragraphs too.

The story itself is good, I enjoyed the read.

Writing is difficult to do BUT perserverance is a key world in the writing world.

Mark.

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Thanks will for sure try to keep improving ,Thanks for advice will keep in mind.THANKS.

[matrixmark]

You are welcome. We are all here to help one another.

Mark.

[The dark story]

It's a good effort indeed but you need more practice on your grammar. Punctuation marks are very important in a writing. They may just look like a slight stroke of a pen, but they have their value in setting the tone of the events and the dialogues. You have also shown indirect speech as direct speech. Mark that. It needs proper sentence structure and also don't miss out on Capitalization.

Getting on to the plot of the story, I should say it is really very interesting and fills with awe as the event proceeds. The theme and the capricious fate's intervention works out really well. The story will look really well if you work on it structure and grammar.
A little more practice :)
Good attempt. Keep writing

[KAINA SHAILJA]

THANKS for reading ,,,i will make sure that the point you pointed out are improved.THANKS.