Being Modern

This poem is a bit critical about the "common notion" of MODERNESS

BEING   MODERN

Sitting  in  a  balcony,

I saw my friends around,

They were together,

But no talking,

No laughter, no gossiping ,

Did they had a fight? Thought I ,

NO !! They didn’t had fight,

They had mobiles,

Busy chatting with those who were far,

Ignoring those who were near ,

I  confront them,

But they called this being modern,

Orthodox am I then??

Then I am  orthodox .

 

I went to my dinner table,

Sit there to eat

But I stole moment to look around,

Six people sitting on table together,

But no one talking to another,

Did they lose their voice??

Thought I ,

No they had mobile device

Father busy on his phone,

Mother on phone chat,

Brother on video games,

Uncle Aunt on facetime,

Oh! They forgot that there are people outside this ‘chat box’,

Again I confront them,

But brother told me this is being modern,

Orthodox am I then??

Then I am orthodox.

 

I met my childhood friend after years,

I had ants in my pant,

But  she had another plan,

She didn’t came to meet me,

To click selfie,

To show off her phone,

She came,

I want to go to market to buy a dress,

Told my mumma to come along,

But she too had another plan

She  had ordered it online,

Brother’s birthday coming ,

To buy cake and gift am going,

My father stop me from going,

As he had ordered it online,

They were always being online,

But in real life they were offline,

I again confront them ,

They said this as being modern,

Orthodox  am I then??

Then I am orthodox.

 

Frustrated I was they didn’t understand,

Not everything is virtual ,

There should be something real,

Going to market is just a reason ,

There should be some talk season,

At least there we had talk,

Where to go and where to not??

Buying cake is easy ,

Adding emotion to it is not,

Meeting people is easy,

But starting face to face conservation is not,

Being together isn’t virtual,

At least this should be real,

But they called this as being modern,

Orthodox am I then??

Then I am orthodox.

 

Disappointed ,disheartened  I was,

I had talk with myself

Why didn’t they understand??

Photos are clicked my mobiles,

But memories are store by eyes,

Chatting with those who where far ,

Ignoring those who were near ,

Isn’t being modern,

Liking someone online,

And hating him offline ,

Isn’t being modern,

Keeping all this in my mind,

I asked,

“Orthodox  am I then”?

Then I am orthodox.

 

Finally I came to conclusion

This being modern is just their illusion,

They should learn ,

Before being modern

They should become modern being,

Not the one who click photo

But the one who share memories,

Not the one who knows chatting,

But the one who loves talking,

Not the one who gave virtual ‘likes’,

But the one who gave tight hug to his near one,

They should learn,

Being modern is being real,

But they won’t understand this

As in virtual world,

Emotions turns to be emoticon,

But I am proud to say

I AM AN ORTHODOX,

I AM AN ORTHODOX,

As I don’t follow these ‘trends’.

Author's Note

PLEASE BE FREE TO POINT OUT AT ANYTHING YOU FELT WRONG OR NOT UP TO THE MARK IT WILL HELP ME HORN MY SKILLS

Reviews

[alanwgraham]

I am with you on this. My wife uses her phone a lot for messages but she does have a lot of
friends. It seems to have become an addiction for so many of us. Your observations on how these devices are destroying our social skills are very accurate. You do have a few slips in spelling that you would pick up quite easily. Ant should be ants. Store by eyes should stored by eyes. Conservation should be conversation.
These are easily picked up so don't worry.
Keep writing.
Regards,
Alan

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Thanks, yes i agree that it has become an addiction we should live in real world

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the story told in the poetry and the logical ending.
"But I am proud to say
I AM AN ORTHODOX,
I AM AN ORTHODOX,
As I don’t follow these ‘trends’."
Better to walk alone than follow the sheep with no thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Thanks ,I am glad you like it

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[D Connolly]

"In real life they were offline" is great. This is a very good picture of "modern" behavior, just ignoring everything around you while you stare into a box. A very long time ago, I had a thought, and it was random so I don't know why it stuck with me. But I wondered, "what if aliens can't see television waves (this was before cell phones were invented), and when they look at us from space, all they see is a bunch of humans staring into an empty box not talking to each other?" Strange days are here, when people can't even have a conversation... I love the idea behind your poem.

[KAINA SHAILJA]

True THanks for reading.Keep reading

[tanmay7551]

Wow! This issue has been growing since many years and modernization has killed few touching part of our lives we fail to understand at first. Very good examples and I could relate almost all of them. So true! The way this world is pacing fast, it is too difficult to bring those golden days.

Very well written!

[KAINA SHAILJA]

Thanks i am glad you liked it

[Nessly]

Great piece! There are some mechanical issues, but the content is superb. This is an interesting and thought-provoking read.

[S. von Glaubitz]

I always start my poetry reviews by saying that poetry is not my strong suit...
But I'm definitely a fan of this poem. You address a very real social issue in an articulate, relatable, poignant way. It tells a story, providing a series of example that prompt the refrain question "Am I orthodox?" before ending with a strong conclusion and strong answer to the question: conflict, resolve. It needs to be edited for grammar and tense issues, but otherwise you have a very strong piece here.

[wordman]

well your write is right on target ! cell phones or should i say i phones has ruined our young society..

and you don`t need any help,you did a great job

[Rebecca Garber]

I enjoyed this poem it made me really think. The truth is about his poem is that is what our world is coming to and it is very sad. People don't know what face to face interactions are. i am pretty sure not many people can even write a handwriten letter. That is sad. I also want to add is that when people are messaging they don't know how to type so they just peck at the stupid key board what is this world coming to. Will anyone try to change it or is it going to be this way for the rest of time and possible even get worst.

[matrixmark]

This is a great piece about the modern society which we live in. People seemingly caught up in their own little bubble, their own little so called important worlds.

Change this......But I stole moment to look around,
To this.............But I stole a moment to look around.

Change this.......No they had mobile device
To this..............No, they each had a mobile device

Change this.......Father busy on his phone,
Mother on phone chat,

To this.............Father busy on his
Mother on hers, having a chat.

Change this......Uncle Aunt on facetime,
To this.............Uncle and Aunt on facetime,

There are a few more geammatical errors but nothing which I am sure you can't work out.
The piece was good, such a shame its how some people go about leading their lives.

whatever happened to good old conversation, i'll never know - you have caputerd the state of society really well and i enjoyed reading this piece.

Mark.

[barleygirl]

This is a nicely original statement of something that many of us notice but have accepted as the new normal. For me, the best writing uses many true-to-life detailed examples to SHOW instead of telling. This is exactly what you've done, thru-out. You paint word pictures of every example, making it very relatable in a conversational tone. Sure, there are some typos, but it's not too distracting. If you want more details about corrections, I can give more. But I don't give corrections initially becuz many writers do not welcome.

OK . . . now here's the big drawback for me. I think the word "orthodox" is not the right word for this piece. It feels heavy-handed & self-righteous becuz it has a nuance of being judgmental, as if orthodox is how things SHOULD BE, & everything else is wrong. You may actually feel this way & if this is the message you want to make, then so be it. But I find the rest of your message to be more on the playful side, so I would go for another word which is more self-deprecating, so it doesn't feel like you're putting yourself above others who have gone modern. Here are some ideas: old-fashioned, archaic, out-of-fashion, outmoded, outdated, traditional. To use this would remove the sense that you're judging all the others as being "not right" . . . to me, this is the biggest sticking point in your otherwise fun & creative & conversational message.