Ode To My Dissociation:She

I haven't really thought much about the title. I'm trying to infuse more vulnerability into my poems, so this is an attempt.

She is a vision

 I speak into existence

Whenever I need a stuntman

When the glass house I live in becomes too opaque

She cleans the windows

Introduces transparency into my world

 

I am a worm that crawls underground

And only comes up to breathe when it rains

I don’t like the rain

Or card games

Or telling stories I don’t believe belong to me

Nothing belongs to me

 

It all belongs to her

A girl with no face

Or body

Or history

Too many theories and narratives

And opinions.

 

When I falter with half truths

Editorialize the vulnerability

Out of the script I read daily

She will breathe life into my stories

Because borrowed stories

Always stay safe

 

 

When I stumble over my words

Trying to tell that story

That ends tragically with me on my knees

She will replace the words me with her

And knees with childhood

And tell more than the story of a

Mason jarred fireflies and tumbleweed adventured

Carefree girl

 

 

But I’m the only one who has knees here

And they’re filthy from trying

To escape the grave

I keep digging myself into

Or the version of childhood

I keep editing

Or forgetting even belongs to me.

But it’s starting to rain

And I don’t really want to come out

I’m afraid the grave will fill up with water

And I’ll drown

And I know she has no life jackets

I can hear the hail,

I’m terrified it’ll smash the glass

And shatter the things that protect me most.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I would love comments on anything and everything. I would like to you to not if there are any excessively vague parts of the poem. And I would like just general interpretations . Thanks.

Reviews

[Chauncey]

I read this three times and each time I got something different out of it. The first time I read it I thought about an introverted person trying to come up with more exiting things to help them with day to day life. The second read I felt as if it was somebody trying to create the perfect friend in their head and fill their memories with her. My third read sort of made me feel as if it was somebody creating a new identity online, a person they wish they could have been. All in all I really liked it and it made me think a little.

[Katethepoet]

Thanks for the feedback. Did you feel like it was vague in any areas?

[Chauncey]

Well I see how you asked if there were any excessive amounts of vagueness but I think it's got the right amount of both open to interpretation and hints at the intended meaning.

[Einstein Noodle]

first two lines are empowerment .. and clean glass very vulnerable
i find your poem engrossing and passionate .. finding and being our true selves is an arduous adventure that some never take, some never succeed and others find great relief ... i am OK ... i'm OK ... I AM OK!!!!!
a fine read for me ... i think you succeeded and much more ,, thank you for sharing
E.

[Chris]

"I'm terrified it'll the glass" - etch, pit, fill, move, stress, bend, flex, crack, break ...some other word?

Welcome to WC.

Seems you want a lot for a "dime" doesn't it? And yet you ARE different from every other "you" out here - even if not all that different within your own mind. What did I get out of "this"? Apparently a friend afterall...

[NeiL ArandA]

First Stanza: She is a vision I speak into existence Whenever I need a stuntman When the glass house I live in becomes too opaque She cleans the windows Introduces transparency into my world.

The first stanza is somewhat a suspense. I like the way you started your first line not revealing your intention to your reader obviously. You draw your audience attention with your wordings in your first stanza. This is not your alter ego nor imagined person. Perhaps it's a scape goat or a coping mechanism when we find ourselves in an awkward predicament or compromising situation or when we find ourselves between a rock and hard place.

Second Stanza: I am a worm that crawls underground And only comes up to breathe when it rains I don’t like the rain Or card games Or telling stories I don’t believe belong to me Nothing belongs to me .

It's amazing that you used the worm to compare your muse or persona to something. Again this intrigues and captivates your readers mind. Worm spends majority of their time buried underground. They rarely come out into the open for two reasons. Their skins are too sensitive to sunlight and if they are exposed. They are fair game and snack to the early and persistent bird. The only way and time a worm will venture out into the safety of the ground is when it's a matter of dire importance. This gives me the impression that the muse or persona here maybe don't like to get caught alive instead employ evasive maneuvers or tactics but is forced to fabricate stories or play games that there's a 50/50 chance that it may not go well in her favor.

Third Stanza: It all belongs to her A girl with no face Or body Or history Too many theories and narratives And opinions. When I falter with half truths Editorialize the vulnerability Out of the script I read daily She will breathe life into my stories Because borrowed stories Always stay safe .

I could think that this lines may imply that there's a twin sister but with no physical form. I would still stick with my hunch on the first and second stanza. I have had experience with someone that has Bipolar Disorder...but this is not a classic sign of someone that rapidly cycles from both extreme ends.

Fourth Stanza : When I stumble over my words Trying to tell that story That ends tragically with me on my knees She will replace the words me with her And knees with childhood And tell more than the story of a Mason jarred fireflies and tumbleweed adventured Carefree girl.

There's a revolving theme in these stanza's and lines. It seems like centered on stories and truth and half truths. Someone is fabricating a story and the other one perhaps is confounded of trying to sort out the truth or covering it up. Very intriguing. Again not a typical characteristics of Bipolar Disorder.

Fifth Stanza: But I’m the only one who has knees here And they’re filthy from trying To escape the grave I keep digging myself into Or the version of childhood I keep editing Or forgetting even belongs to me. But it’s starting to rain And I don’t really want to come out I’m afraid the grave will fill up with water And I’ll drown And I know she has no life jackets I can hear the hail, I’m terrified it’ll the glass And shatter the things that protect me most.

Ahhh ...Clever way to reveal the plot. Its right here on this last stanza where the writer reveals the mystery. If I'm right ... But here is my best take on this poem. The muse or persona here is not confuse or lunatic. Not Bipolar of course. Two possible answers that I'm leaning into. First is" Split Personality or Multiple Personality Disorder " and the second most likely culprit and candidate is " Pathologic Liar " .
Often times someone that invents stories and keep revising them and lacks consistency will soon be found out and just like someone who digs their own grave and the word "editing{ meaning changing and altering their versions- are tell tale signs of this disorder.
To really come out from the ground or mire when it rain is really to come out clean and tell the TRUTH.

I'm impress with this composition and draws all these possible prospective thoughts in me.
Very well written piece. If this is your first piece. You have already a great talent. Please keep writing and expressing your mind... The Sparrow

[Katethepoet]

Thank you so much for this review. Its so thorough, I really appreciate you taking your time with it.

[NeiL ArandA]

:) ...............................................................

[h d e rushin]

would somebody please tell me what it means to be vulnerable in a poem? Or to what extent
being so is identifiable. Confession, or to be more precise, the poetry of confession is not the
least bit vulnerable.

There's that jerky back and forth waggle of 'girl' in a civilized society; what it means to be one.
What it takes to be one. And then that final stanza, that recapitulation of all human theories
and style, where the poem becomes the blues, wailful and expressive.

I asked my little cousin of four years old what she though about the Reese's cups I Gave her and she said
she liked it. So in difference to childhood, or in respect of it, I liked what you've done here.
Which I hope to see more of.......dana

[Katethepoet]

Thank you so much for reviewing my poem:)

[NeiL ArandA]

Since you have gone an extra mile to have your piece read by writers and poet here. I will give my best take on what your piece mean and what does it say to me base on my own personal interpretations. I will be back for this. Please bear with me ...The Sparrow

[armin]

All I can say that you have a skill of writing many such great poems. I liked the given stanza, very well executed

She cleans the windows
Introduces transparency into my world
I am a worm that crawls underground
And only comes up to breathe when it rains

Will be looking forward to see your next attempt. Thankyou.

armin. ....

[...]

Hi Kate, I really dig your style :) A lot of internal dialogue going on here. I don't critique another persons artistry. I simply indulge or I don't. Everyone has an opinion and I am no scholar my dear. I think creative art is a release. The cool thing is it touches people. Your art touched me, and yes, it is art. Don't second guess that. I personally loved it. I felt a fear of exposing the you inside of you and the whole process of sharing that fear like an opened cracked door to see who peaks in and who don't. I hope that you decide to continue discovering all the wonder of who you are :)

[Beccy]

So often, we hide beneath false layers; yet the reality is that we have no need of such pretense. I expect it's part and parcel of the human condition to self doubt, a desire to be that 'carefree girl,' instead of the 'worm that crawls underground.'

I didn't find this at all vague, the message comes through loud and clear; and I though I didn't quite understand the reference to Mason jarred fireflies and tumbleweed adventured, I caught the inference.

One minor thing, the last verse seems to have the word break missing after 'it'll.'

Beccy.

[Katethepoet]

Thanks for your criticsm , it was really appreciated

[ashleymarie]

I have a feeling....
Its telling me...
You need to continue. You have a talent that needs to be brought to light

[Katethepoet]

Thanks for taking time to review my poem !

[Jamestown]

Nice piece of work, the only thing I would say is add more imagery to really
get reader involved, but really that's all, structure good, format easy to read
and message good,thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Katethepoet]

Thanks for your comment. Are there any specific places where you feel like there could be more imagery?

[Jamestown]

I wouldn't say specific, just wanted to inspire imagery.