Knock

I'm not promoting suicide

When I had the tip of the knife at my chest what was missing was a single push. A single push was all I needed to end everything. I figured that when I kept my eyes closed; closed forever, that I will never see the piercing daggers everyone at school would greet me with. If my skin would stop feeling then the nerve breaking cold air would never travel down my spine anymore. But the knock at the door had my cold lonely heart beat again. I never can forget the warmth of the blood that rushed through my chest when I stared at the sharp blade pointing at me, my hands at it hilt.

To this day I have been wondering why I answered the door after cleaning up. I remembered the faint memory of me considering piercing the knife through my jugular. When I saw my parents' faces my chest seemed lighter. All life returned to my body and I continued living. I met everyone's icy stares again and felt the chills down at my spine. Those cursed things that slowly pushed me to the edge didn't seem as strong as when I felt them at that specific moment. 

Those were probably magnified because of the moment when my hot tears ran down my cheeks and their laughter was getting louder by the second I felt so ready, so ready to escape it all.

As years passed I usually called that day the worst birthday ever but as the years pass it wasn't. The days I spent after those weren't the happiest either but when I escaped that little push nothing came to push me back.

Back to the edge

Today I was picturing my parents' faces, their smiles in particular. I imagined my mother's mascara drenching her tears into black and have those black tears run down her face while her soft whimpers slowly crush my father's heart. He was strong but I imagined my suicide would have him break down.

I didn't like those ugly grieving faces on my beautiful parents.

I had tuned out a lecture from my teacher. As usual I had my a*s stuck on my chair. I had no business with anyone around me. I should be staying quiet and minding my own business but the girl that just ran out the classroom had me distracted. Resident mean girls and boys went back to their seats. There was this feeling deep inside my stomach that she needed someone to chase her.

She needed that knock on the door.

I checked the clock. Lunch was ending soon. I should go after her now before she makes the biggest mistake in her life.

While I ran I thought about that day again. Thinking about what I really wanted that day should give me an idea of what this girl, I mindlessly try to save, wants.

I wanted that bittersweet taste of freedom. I wanted that escape from those cold judgmental eyes and those mindless lips that seemed to release knives to pierce my heart. I figured that if I was gone I would have that freedom. The heartless laughter that echoed through my ears while my eyes water, would be gone. 

Everything would be gone.

I pant and balled my hands to a fist and knocked on the door in front of me. After I did I opened the unlocked door to reveal the girl that had once been me.

She might not have the same intentions as I have. She might even want to harm those who harmed her through a heart breaking suicide. But nevertheless I needed to stop her.


When I said everything would be gone I meant really everything

Even the small good things

Author's Note

Critical reviews if you would like, don't go easy on me :) I'd love to have this fixed as much as possible

Reviews

[Pax]

i like to call those mindless lips ..steel tongue that pierce the heart. In my point of view..
if this is based on you then I feel you my friend..

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

That's a nice thought :) It is... partially hahaha.... I have to add some things for it to be fiction

[Pax]

so..its really based on your life right now. Actually i did write about that steel tongue about my life its in my book fool.

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

I've gone pass that stage, don't worry :) I'd read it when I have the time

[Pax]

yeah we all have...great write by the way..no probs take your time..

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

thanks :D lol I will

[Rhianne Ney]

I read this already in your notebook...
And I wont go easy on you, just kidding... I checked read requests and it's all yours how about stopping by and review mine also just kidding... >:)
Anyway what you pointed out is true...
If you die you'll lose whatever blessing you are opted to receive (:
Good write

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

lol I would I just don't know why I don't

It's a conspiracy

BTW thanks