I Hate That....

About my best friend who i liked and who I lost to his girlfriend. I got my inspiration from the poem in "10 things I hate about you". It is my favourite poem ever and I was watching it at the time.

I hate that you know me,
That you know when something's wrong.
I hate that you can always make me feel I'm right where I belong.
I hate that I miss you,
That I miss you everyday.
I hate that I want to say it but can never find a way.
I hate that your gone,
That I really have lost you.
I hate that she won and that she'll always get to have you.
I hate no matter what happens ill always seem to care.
I hate that I still remember your smile, your eyes, your hair.
I hate that I'm writing this it really isn't me.
I hate that I did it I turned and said goodbye.
But mostly I hate that you'll always be my best friend,
Forever and always, forever till I die.

Author's Note

Never written poetry before!!! Just let mw know what you think.

Reviews

[Chase]

Line 7 You're*
Line 10 I'll*
Lines 8 and 9: Change the end rhyming scheme so that the words are different. You do a good job of having organic rhymes everywhere but there.

Line 11, "I hate that I still remember your smile, eyes, and hair." would flow much better.

Line 12 "I hate that I'm writing this; it realy isn't me." just add the semi colan for a break to pause at.

Line 13 is really awkward.. I would either revise or remove it. It's a blemish to your pretty poem.



Line 14 is one syllable too long for it to be read smoothly. See if you can edit it down one syllable.

Line 15

"Forever and always.
Forever, till I die."

It would just work much better with two lines for emphasis to end the poem on a strong note. I normally am not quite this thorough with reveiws but yuo are new and I figured you could use a little guidance. Love and pain are part of life and often give great fuel for our poetry outlets but if you stick with them then that will be all you are capable of writing about, which can get dull very quick. I challenge you to write a poem that has nothing to do with your feelings and does not have a single rhyme.

You did well for a new writer. Keep up with using the punctuation like you did. That is a rare thing for new writers to do so don't stop. I look forward to your future poetry :)

[jyoung565]

Thanks, for the fact someone actually read it is shocking in its own right haha. I'm not a writer I just did this as an outlet when I was pissed and upset. I don't know the first thing about poetry or writing in general. Haha thank you soo much for the feed back means alot coming from a writer. X

[Chase]

Of course! Thats why we are all here. I'm more than happy to read other things you write. Which you should. You have some talent at it so I'd definitely encourage you to keep at it:)

[Beyond Our Control]

Very good (: It makes me think about everything from hate to happiness lol. It also reminds me of how I felt when I said goodbye to my best friend two years ago.

[jyoung565]

Thank you. That was kinda the point off it. I'm glad it came across. I know it's the worst feeling ever!!! Hope you got through it ok

[Beyond Our Control]

I went through it pretty well. you did a great job (:

[jyoung565]

Thank you :)