One man's anguish

One man’s anguish

            I am a sick b*****d. What was I thinking? I should have never looked at her that way. I wish I didn’t do my nightly ritual. I don’t like this anymore. I’m crying out for help but no one is hearing. I have an invisible sickness not seen by most. I want to be a dependable person. I want to be the people who ask for advice not the parasite that I am.

            I don’t enjoy this anymore. I haven’t in years but it has a permanent hold on me. Take out this cancer someone anyone. The urge is too strong I can’t fight this anymore it is too strong. If I don’t do it on a nightly basis my flesh rebels. I haven’t been able to sleep well this might be the cause. It used to help it. It would help me but now I feel as though it is the cause of my pain. The depth of this is unending. I am my own worst enemy. Lord help me I ask and ask and no relief.

             I am tired of killing myself. I am tired of convicting me of my sins. I just want my freedom. How can I ever be of the lord when I keep destroying myself? I need an end but it is endless. I wish I knew how to stop this help me. Lord why are you putting me though this. Now my blood is on your hands.

Reviews

[Shin ( formerly known a..]

I want to be your friend - Bidayah

[jwestbro11]

Whould like some advice on this. Thank you in advance