Fall to Pieces (The Longest Goodbye)

Take a wild guess. A special dedication to all of those who....this applies to.

Fall to pieces (The Longest Goodbye)

October 4, 2011-October 8, 2011

Unseeing eyes couldn't foretell

Blinded by the skies above

 the horizon afar, the ground below,

Little pieces here and there

Scattered about, within and throughout

Flimsy like scraps of paper, of

Falling leaves in autumn

In the wind you can hear them rustle

And scurry, these puzzle pieces

Thrown to the wind.

 

First there was you, a faulty set up

Not within a right mind, forgo that what erupts

Claws reaching in, something to escape

Too weak to tell, but too strong a voice

A slow ride in, a long ride back

The words carved out, a piece of me

Simply wanting something lacked,

And to remember me by…

 

And then there was you, a future bold

Kept me close, and felt so cold

Mendacities abounding, silent sounding

Duplicity, I had found

Oh merciless arrogance, how you

Worked and toiled, eroding away

A piece of me every night and day

So then I walked continued my journey

Down on Main Street, I shuffled

thus duplicity, reaffirming.

 

So then there was you, charismatic fool

With lightening eyes and

Dashing skies, of dazzling talents that

Created a world of wandering thought,

drive down the long road ahead where

I was whole again, yet

Within crinkled sheets inscribed

Proof of yet another false guy

By thee by, another goodbye

Another piece spent, another prize went

Duplicity strikes again.

 

Then…there was you

A starlit canopy within my heaven

A dream so intense that I thought I may

Have found the love of my life, yet

The years drawn out like a solid black line

Into the opposite direction.

We climbed each mountain out of breath

Fought until there was nothing left

We love dear love, eternities fold

And thus my savior, never show

But alas the remittance of debts

Remain unclosed.

Carry with us, each burden on backs

Each with a piece of each other

Stapled to the knapsack.

 

And then there was you, and here I am again

Thrust headfirst into a longing friend

So overdue this dream, so unreal

The consequence, beguiled yet again.

A flitted torrid darkness I ignored

All too frequent the prophets had warned

But I remained tangled, determined

To be with you

Yet here we are and we are yet again

Duplicity being my best friend

Of grueling darkness, a shadow awaits

I am left to the mercy of my fate

Another piece gone, another piece left

Pouring out my lifeline, blood red, bereft

 

And lo,

I lost the will to drive once more

Into the arms of 'forevermore'

 

Blinded sight couldn’t dispel

The fog rolling through the skies above

 the horizon afar, the ground below,

Little pieces here and there

Scattered about, thrown like confetti

Flimsy like the film from wrappers, of

Falling leaves in autumn

In the wind you can hear them rustle

And scurry, these puzzle pieces

Still bleeding from my broken modest wishes.

Author's Note

I realize that there are grammatical mistakes..bold faced words have significant meaning and they stay. Otherwise, let me know what you think otherwise. Had this in my head, couldn't get it out. Had a bit of reprieve and decided to share. The end totally needs work I think...last stanza, last line or two. Doesn't feel right...any thoughts?

Reviews

[Aramey]

I think it's great, it gave me goosebumps in a good way :) The writing is balanced. It is clear and concise as well as vivid with emotion and imagination. I think the end is well written, what may seem just not right to you is that at the end of it, there's only one word and that's not your general style. That doesn't mean it isn't good, because frankly I think it is. Thank you for sharing :)

[Danelkahr]

witthout looking at the grammatical errors i was engraved in my heart the whole weekend and i just thought of i today. powerful words encrypted together

[Wynona]

Very poignant. It only bumps a little for me.

I envy the grasp you have on the American English language and your ability to write intricately and yet remain accessible. You have a way of making the reader feel smart for reading and understanding.

I don't think the last two stanzas are even necessary. You have such a strong ending with:
"Another piece gone, another piece left
Pouring out my lifeline, blood red, bereft"

That I think the last two only dilute the intensity.

[emmajoy]

A fury and pain of a poem, too few smiles, too many frowns, an incredibly tangled web of emotions. A dark poem, finely created but a near crazed search for reality, for love, for kindness from that one person.. Some wonderful phrases, lines: '.. you, charismatic fool ~ With lightening eyes and ~ Dashing skies .. ' also, '.. these puzzle pieces ~ Still bleeding from my broken modest wishes.'

[Don Shaw]

Great imagery . The flow is easy to read.

[Moonwind Belmont]

what magic has autumn has that it has always been included in romance..in both joy and heartbreak, amidst the couple walking the fallen leaves hand in hand, or the lonely virtuoso with his guitar in his hand and a head bent walking into the autumn sunset.

the pain, the sorrow, the laughter and the joy...all under this autumnal equinox

[Luke Ritta]

i thought it worked very well....well done.

[Muse]

Perhaps end on this thought instead:
And scurry, these puzzle pieces
Add some verbage maybe;
Scurrying me around; like missing puzzle pieces
Leave out:
Still bleeding from my broken modest wishes.

[Muse]

This made me think of a woman......who has heard and lived many unkept promises. She's now frail like a dried leaf in the wind...too easily will she crumble like paper. But her human desire leads her to still hope for another....she will continue to listen to these promises....despite the fact, she knows the ending all to well.

You wrote with power and the reader can feel the emotional convictions!

[cartera]

An excellent poem. I do not think thal the last two lines need changing in any way. They tie up nicely with the rustling flimsy falling leaves, which all ties up nicely with the earlier reference to falling leaves. The paper, by the end, has become confetti: that symbol of happy happy day that is going to last 'forevermore'.
Stumbled on your work via serendipity; guess my luck was in.
ATB
Alex.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

You have given me the chills reading this. So much emotions running through and vivid imagery, I could not say enough about this that would do justice. Wonderfully penned, nicely done. Inspiring work of art.