Fall to Pieces (The Longest Goodbye)

Take a wild guess. A special dedication to all of those who....this applies to.

Fall to pieces (The Longest Goodbye)

October 4, 2011-October 8, 2011

Unseeing eyes couldn't foretell

Blinded by the skies above

 the horizon afar, the ground below,

Little pieces here and there

Scattered about, within and throughout

Flimsy like scraps of paper, of

Falling leaves in autumn

In the wind you can hear them rustle

And scurry, these puzzle pieces

Thrown to the wind.

 

First there was you, a faulty set up

Not within a right mind, forgo that what erupts

Claws reaching in, something to escape

Too weak to tell, but too strong a voice

A slow ride in, a long ride back

The words carved out, a piece of me

Simply wanting something lacked,

And to remember me by…

 

And then there was you, a future bold

Kept me close, and felt so cold

Mendacities abounding, silent sounding

Duplicity, I had found

Oh merciless arrogance, how you

Worked and toiled, eroding away

A piece of me every night and day

So then I walked continued my journey

Down on Main Street, I shuffled

thus duplicity, reaffirming.

 

So then there was you, charismatic fool

With lightening eyes and

Dashing skies, of dazzling talents that

Created a world of wandering thought,

drive down the long road ahead where

I was whole again, yet

Within crinkled sheets inscribed

Proof of yet another false guy

By thee by, another goodbye

Another piece spent, another prize went

Duplicity strikes again.

 

Then…there was you

A starlit canopy within my heaven

A dream so intense that I thought I may

Have found the love of my life, yet

The years drawn out like a solid black line

Into the opposite direction.

We climbed each mountain out of breath

Fought until there was nothing left

We love dear love, eternities fold

And thus my savior, never show

But alas the remittance of debts

Remain unclosed.

Carry with us, each burden on backs

Each with a piece of each other

Stapled to the knapsack.

 

And then there was you, and here I am again

Thrust headfirst into a longing friend

So overdue this dream, so unreal

The consequence, beguiled yet again.

A flitted torrid darkness I ignored

All too frequent the prophets had warned

But I remained tangled, determined

To be with you

Yet here we are and we are yet again

Duplicity being my best friend

Of grueling darkness, a shadow awaits

I am left to the mercy of my fate

Another piece gone, another piece left

Pouring out my lifeline, blood red, bereft

 

And lo,

I lost the will to drive once more

Into the arms of 'forevermore'

 

Blinded sight couldn’t dispel

The fog rolling through the skies above

 the horizon afar, the ground below,

Little pieces here and there

Scattered about, thrown like confetti

Flimsy like the film from wrappers, of

Falling leaves in autumn

In the wind you can hear them rustle

And scurry, these puzzle pieces

Still bleeding from my broken modest wishes.

Author's Note

I realize that there are grammatical mistakes..bold faced words have significant meaning and they stay. Otherwise, let me know what you think otherwise. Had this in my head, couldn't get it out. Had a bit of reprieve and decided to share. The end totally needs work I think...last stanza, last line or two. Doesn't feel right...any thoughts?

Reviews

[Aramey]

I think it's great, it gave me goosebumps in a good way :) The writing is balanced. It is clear and concise as well as vivid with emotion and imagination. I think the end is well written, what may seem just not right to you is that at the end of it, there's only one word and that's not your general style. That doesn't mean it isn't good, because frankly I think it is. Thank you for sharing :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Full length verse here in your lines...the start to the finish ---
this does not lose traction...the last stanza is the one I enjoyed the most...
yet the others add the effectiveness in the entirety of this work...
it bleeds out and in the end if you still have a drop of blood left...so be it...
this drives the screw right through metal...gets at the heart...
and leaves you with nothing...
but the satisfaction of releasing it...
as for the font...its a harder read with that style...
but I see no qualms with this work...

[Brandi Nicole]

i think that it is perfect...i think that changing it would take away from what it meant to you when you wrote it and what it means to your audience now. of course, i am not an educated poet - in the sense that i have never taken any writing courses and do not have a college degree....nor do i really know anything about the etiquette of poetry (rules, lingo, styles..etc.). i can only tell you what moves me and this certainly does.

[Forest Green]

Falling leaves in autumn provides a very telling strain of reminiscence, of melancholy beauty and emotional consideration. It is the fulcrum for this very good poem...

Nice work...

[Everson Taveras]

As far as your writing goes, it's absolutely stupendous. Very descriptive, it evoked so much feeling, yet it wasn't so much as a rant as it was a clear, riveting poem. This is grandeur, let me tell you. You successfully ravel a storm of so much beauty and sorrow that it completely overrules any mistakes or errors in this poem. Great write. Thank you for sharing.

[Ursula Kay Vos]

The whole poem was so full of emotion and powerful setiments. As far as the last two lines of the last stanza
In the wind you can hear them rustle
Pieces escape, with faint noise
and little bustle, as the blood drips slowly from my flesh
I look and reflect on my once modest wish.

Just a little idea maybe it will get yours flowing :)
I really liked your depictions throughout the lines and stanzas, as I'm also a divorced now single mother. All too reminecient.
Great write.
Collette

[patricia]

I found this quite engrossing. Each new hope taken enthusiastically, until history and experience dulled the hope.. Thankyou.

[EMMIE]

THIS POEM IS SO GOOD I TOTALLY OVERLOOKED WHATEVER YOU MISSPELLED...WHO CARES ANY WAYS! POETRY IS FREEDOM. I LOVED IT FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. AND I LIKE THE LAST STANZA THE WAY IT IS. I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING ABOUT THIS POEM. INTERESTING WRITE.

[Ruth]

I have to say love, to be honest, to me, this feels perfect! lol No work needed, but that is just my opinion, this really strikes at the core!
It has a perfect structure and leaves me feeling surrendered, completely to the thoughts hinted upon and the imagery delivered!
Brilliant!
xoxo

[The Joker]

To me it's not how good someone spells as it is what they have to say
and you speak deeply to my darkend soul this has such a perfect gothic feel to me im a fan for sure very welll done

[LinBin]

I don't really care about grammatical errors or the like, to me, if its a well written piece and speaks to me, that's the most important thing and this piece is simply amazing. Well done, I like it as it is but I guess it has to feel right to you and if you need to change anything, am sure you'll find the right words x