To Die With Dignity

This was written for my brother, who died of AIDS. I am so glad I was able to be with him in his final moments. I cannot believe that there could be a god who would hate anyone, or punish anyone.

My lungs on fire, my vision in flames

Every breath like the air's filled with smoke

Night's black hands grasp me, dragging me down

I can feel my strength weaning and dying

And my chest just grows tighter and tighter

Like the flames of hell encircle me 

If I could I would scream and beg to end it all

But my dying words won't come to fruition

I am scared, so very scared, as I silently weep

I don't want to die, nor to be in pain

As black spots dance in front of me and threaten

To cut off the light to which I cling like a moth

What have I done in my short life?

A life, people tell me, that has been led in sin

I followed my heart for true love, though it pained me

A love that no one else could see

Will He be angry? For my blinded desertion?

For it is He who made me this way

Will I burn in Hell for the love I did follow

For the truth He ingrained in my heart?

And the tears that burst forth from my eyes

And the pain that drags me to my knees

Is this my penance for passion? For love?

What unjust god inflicts this on me?

And in darkness, I fumble, for the last dying light

A hand that is held out to me

Ungrudging, and loving, whose ennoble touch

Allows me to die with dignity