Abondoned

It is an anwful feeling.To be abondoned by the person you love most

I close my eyes and willingly slip into a reverie .A little infant thrashes about in her cot .Wailing and sobbing like her life depends on it .Her face as red as a beetroot, eyes shut in sheer determination ,channeling all her enrgy into emanating a sound so rambunctious so blood curdling that it is a miracle the roof is still intact and has not plummeted by the escalating crescendo of the childs scream.”There there princess, shush now, everything is alright” says a voice so  sweet  like it is drenched in honey.she lifts up the baby in one smooth movement of the arm, with delicacy and slowly cradles her,swaying her from one side to the other and low and behold it works like a charm and the small creatures scream gradually succumbs and transforms into adorable gibberish .Ensconced in her mothers arms, she nestles in her chest and slowly drifts into a deep slumber. The mother beams at the tiny spawn with such evident love that her eyes look iridescent ,simply scintillating with eudemonia .Caressing her hair which has only just begun to cover her head and inhaling her scent as if she is a bundle of roses.Even to an absolute simpleton ,her physiognomy and demeanor is enough to deduce that the little baby meant more to her than anything else .Shielding her from harm and desolation was her life’s purpose .My eyes flutter open and everything disappears into a wisp of thin air. My mind really is unrelenting, conjuring up delusions is its particular niche .I am angry at myself .Livid in fact, why do I always go there? why do I inflict myself with such excruciating pain? The pain of rejection ,of being unwanted and neglected. It pierced through me like a blunt dagger, slowing twisting through my flesh, not killing me but instead making me yearn for death. There is no loving mother, it’s a hallucination, a dream that can never be.