The Traveler

reality as I know it.

When the lightning flashed I felt it in my core.  Like a shock through my system.  For a second I thought I was dying.  My vision went from dark to bright white, to black. 

We are travelers. Travelers of uncommon means.  Where we go we know not.  It does not matter.  So long as we keep moving. 

Electricity passing through my body.  Not an uncommon feeling, yet totally exhilarating.  Stomach clentching, toe curling, sphincter puckering tightening of everything.  Then release.  So lovely, exotic, wonderful, incredible, expansion of my being.  Inhalation, chest tightening, blacking out, then rush of oxygen, inhaling fresh tingling goodness.  And there I was.  A new place far from where I started. 

Imagine that you have a map, one of those folding maps, that start out as a neatly folded pamphlet.  Solid creases, compact, and able to direct you wherever you would like to go.  When you are a traveler, you know what to look for, an area on the creases that is worn thin.  And if you fold the map just right, with the right wrinkle, you can make it so that two places on the map that should be faraway from eachother, are momentarily in the same place.  And that is when you head explodes.

Your brain is like a street map of a busy city, with blood rushing though the canals of and around the ridges, through the couradors and synapsis.  When you replace all the matter in your body with energy, raising the level of your existence momentarily to a vibration so high, you can’t feel or remember it when you come down.  But when you make the transition you can hop.  Traveling from any one point in reality to any other point. 

So there I was, losing everything all at once, and then coming to.  When you lose everything all at once, it takes some time to accumulate the baggage.  Everyone is walking around, with there hang-ups, and worries, and ego induced clinging on to what makes them.  What they are.  So when you make a transition, you wake up with nothing.  Like a new born baby bring born.  Remember the transition, from warm cozy floating everything you have ever known.  Squeezed through the birth canal, and pushed cruely into a cold dry loud and sharp  existence.  For the first time seeing the light of day. 

The first time I shifted into a new relm momentarily the shock was so much that I freaked out in panic and through sheer will forced myself back.  I was on the couch, high fever, drifting into a sleep.  When the drift suddenly excelerated into a freefall.  When your falling through darkness, its impossible to know how fast you are moving.  My mind rushed to understand.  Was I dying.  And if I was dying, why was I falling.  Shouldn’t I be rising.  This is the thought that forced me to panic.  I was falling.  I was dead and I was falling.  I must be going to hell.  Oh no, I failed at life, I was falling and I didn’t do I should have.  Somehow I pulled it all together and woke up.  I thought it was a dream.  For years I barely thought of it on a conscious level.  But on that day my life changed forever.

I started working on crafting a new life.  One where I could die and fly upward.  Crafting this dream.  This ideal.  Naked and wondering in the wilderness, how could I ever know what it would take to build the city?  Starting from nothing, then brainwashed with fiction and force fed idealistic falsehood.   The ego takes flight. 

Walking up the doorway my mind was full of those mortal things that occupy materialistic existence.  Bravado and self deception, clinging to who I was.  Holding tightly to my core, like a soaking wet sweater in a torrential downpour.  Ringing the doorbell, waiting for someone to answer.  I would have waited forever.  Wouldn’t have had a choice.  Then I gave three distinct knocks.  And it was opened to me.  As I stepped through the doorway and walked on down the hall, I heard footsteps behind me.  Heavy footsteps.  Armor wearing weapon yielding footsteps of my pursuer.  And when I came to the room at the end of the hall, somehow I knew there was escape.  A sheen of bright light eclipsed the opening to the closet.  I stepped through.  And I left everything behind.

It’s not that we are running from anything, but we are working on a complex way to trick ourselves into dissolving our own egos.  Our ego is what shouts out what we are.  And when we try to circumnavigate the ego to get to the source of our true existence, the ego pulls us in.

When I stepped into the bright light my ego dissolved.  My energy excelerated.  And then it was not my energy.  It was not me, it was just fast moving, sliding past everything forced and pushed through the birthing canal.  And out into the new existence. 

New existence.  Like traveling in the wilderness for 40 years, and when you get to the promised land, you cant even remember why you left your homeland. 

So there I was, reborn.  With no present knowledge of who I was or where I came from.  I just remember that I was running from something.  And I began to rebuild my self.   I realized what I was again.  Who I am.  I am I am I am.  And there it was.  I was real and the world was mine to occupy.  In my mind I now knew where to go.  And while it felt like falling, and it felt like lightning, the map was in my mind.  I could twist the map to my will.  I could ware it thin and fold my whole mind through the hole.  And I could go wherever I wanted to go.  I could do anything I chose.  I could fly.  It was like falling, but falling upward.  And with practice I could keep my stuff together enough to craft my destiny.  What control and power we all have.  Is it any wonder we have created such infinite and timeless civilizations. 

Time is so imaginably wide and deep, so deep, that it folds back in on itself.  Without end.  And we start with nothing.  And though manipulation of this nothing, folded back in on itself through infinity, we create everything.