The Struggles Of A Teen

Six-teen year old Ella hasn't always been messed up. But the older she got the more her mind decided to drift off. She never blamed anyone for how she was. But she did blame on thing..herself.

One 

It's so hard to live when deep inside you want to die. It's like you are a walking body without a soul. Pushing threw each and everyday just to make it to the next. People will look at you probably wondering what the hell is wrong with her. And you just stand there like a brain dead zombie not knowing what to do. Like you are trapped in your body with no control. As you scream to yourself to wake up or move. Just something to show a sign that you are living. But sometimes you can't wake yourself up. So you are stuck in this body with no control. 

Most nights I spend laying in my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about stuff. For example I think about life or why do I exist? And most nights get more serious than others. My mind starts to get filled with what I call 'over thoughts'. These 'over thoughts' can really screw me over. Sometimes the thoughts will get depressing or really depressing. On the nights when I get 'over thoughts' is hard. Cause I am just sitting there while I am drowning in thought after thought. Sometimes I can handle it and other times I can't. 

"Did you see the new interview Bryan did!" one of my friends say to our group. "Yes! It was beautiful the way he acted was hilarious" another one of my friends say. "What did you think Daisy?" they all look at me. Uh-oh I think to myself. "I-I um I haven't seen it" I say quietly looking at all of them. Slowly each of there faces grow disappointed. "Oh? Well that's okay you have to watch it when you can. It is amazingly funny!" my friend Liz says smiling at me. "Ha, yea I will when I get home." I most likely won't but who cares it's just an interview show right? I look around the room for a bit and slowly start to get up. "Where are you going Daisy?" Sydney says sitting on the bed looking at me. "Oh um just to the bathroom i'll be back." I say with a small smile to let her know not to worry. I get to the bathroom and sat down on the floor by the sink. Letting my head falling into my lap I allowed the 'over thoughts' to take over. 
After staying on the bathroom floor for a bit I decide to get up. When I get up I look at myself in the mirror and start to judge myself. Look at yourself. Look how your eyes always are puffy looking. Look how ugly you are. Look how fat you are. How could anyone ever love you? I don't know. I reply to myself. Well no one will you'll die alone with a face like that. I snap out of my little one on one talk and slowly exit the bathroom. The girls are playing on the xbox and texting on there phones when I come back out. Are they wondering why I took so long? Why there wasn't a flush or a sink running? I don't know but I just sat back down in the corner. I started to listen in on there conversations even though it was meant for all of us. At first they were talking more about the interview. Then this new horror movie coming out. Then other stuff I had no clue about. I honestly don't know why I stay here. I mean I can go home and read a book or be on the internet or sketch or walk around the city. Have me time but instead I sit here listing to there conversations.