Temptation

Perhaps I should have never offered you the apple

For as Eve was to Adam, I soon became example

 

In empathetic times, you so easily understood

Hardships of a substance  and journeys in the “Hood”

 

My life is not sugar coated nor smoothly digested

The “joys” which satisfy never seem to be alleviated

 

I am eager to step up to home plate and take sole blame

For I know how it feels to walk with head held in shame

 

I can’t offer you a cure to the embedded seed within

Nor can I tell you how to scratch demons in your skin

 

I never said this was easy or tell you how I am proud

I screamed my silent scream wishing my voice was loud

 

My misery never wanted company, only a strong assuring hand

For once you eat the apple, walking alone makes it hard to stand

Reviews

[No]

this has wonderful use of eloquesnt language and a great example of streams of rhyming couplets. i know you greatly enjoy that style :), but there were a few lines that did not quite flow as smoothly as i believed they could have, not because of end rhymes but because of the problems that arise when creating rhymed verse in the syllables used within each line. that is one reason why most people find it much better to write rhymed verse that carries the same intentions as that portryaed in a prose poem of the same nature.
but enough for constructive criticism.
i have no room to talk.
i am glad that you feel confident enough to send me read requests and share your work because I, (and i'm sure many fellow readers would agree) thoroughly enjoy the topics that you write about and the way in which you portray them.
lovely.

favorite line:
Perhaps I should have never offered you the apple
For as Eve was to Adam, I soon became example
and
My life is not sugar coated nor smoothly digested
The "joys" which satisfy never seem to be alleviated

send me more.
mary jane

[An owl on the moon]

So powerful and profound... Your words are a warning and a promise, deep like dark water... Amazing...

Craig

[Kitty]

Jenn, I imagine these rhymes just flow out don't they? it seems that way to me...
I wish I could do that.. I'm working on it. :) This is sad, but true.. and this is why it reflects you. I love how your personality comes forth in all your writings.. some people are writers, but they don''t bleed onto the pages.. you my friend, put your soul in to it. Nicely done.


**Love you friend, dont think I've forgotten about you, im just running around like a chicken with its head cut off due to the wedding being in 2 days!!!, ill be back as soon as this is all over...you and your friend are in my prayers****

Write on,
Melba

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

AWESOME!! this is one of your best for sure. Of course all your poems are good.

Perhaps I should have never offered you the apple

For as Eve was to Adam, I soon became example

great start theme to spell out the rest of the poem.....

and in the end you say:


My misery never wanted company, only a strong assuring hand

For once you eat the apple, walking alone makes it hard to stand



to tie it all together. You are very open, with a "what you see is what you get" attitude in this poem. which i love!!!

[Celtic Cat]

W-O-A-H. Now THIS is what I call DEEP!!!!! Very, very well put together piece. Excellent, horrifying, sad. It's still oozing off the screen. Powerful write.

[larryb]

Well done and a great use of words, it kept my interest thoughout )

[DeAn]

and yet, I would have eaten it for you and took your place without a second thought. :)

very well thought out and heartfelt peice. I loved it.
great job.

-DeAn

[Marvin Lewis Jr.]

WOW!
This is brilliant, I love the progressions and the imagery is so real.
You did a magnificent job at painting a beautiful picture, I respect your artistry because you accomplished sooooo much with only 14 lines. Bravo!

your newest fan,

Marvin Lewis

[Sean M. Addams]

very heartfelt piece... i thought the rhyme and flow were good in this and the imagery was perfect and very visual overall nice job on this one!!!

[JRB]

This was a hard felt poem, I really enjoy the wording and the message, keep up the thoughts and writing. I look foreword to reading more.
Your work here reminds me of my writings in the, garden cage, and, the garden. Thank you
Jan/uisiom