Temptation

Perhaps I should have never offered you the apple

For as Eve was to Adam, I soon became example

 

In empathetic times, you so easily understood

Hardships of a substance  and journeys in the “Hood”

 

My life is not sugar coated nor smoothly digested

The “joys” which satisfy never seem to be alleviated

 

I am eager to step up to home plate and take sole blame

For I know how it feels to walk with head held in shame

 

I can’t offer you a cure to the embedded seed within

Nor can I tell you how to scratch demons in your skin

 

I never said this was easy or tell you how I am proud

I screamed my silent scream wishing my voice was loud

 

My misery never wanted company, only a strong assuring hand

For once you eat the apple, walking alone makes it hard to stand

Reviews

[No]

this has wonderful use of eloquesnt language and a great example of streams of rhyming couplets. i know you greatly enjoy that style :), but there were a few lines that did not quite flow as smoothly as i believed they could have, not because of end rhymes but because of the problems that arise when creating rhymed verse in the syllables used within each line. that is one reason why most people find it much better to write rhymed verse that carries the same intentions as that portryaed in a prose poem of the same nature.
but enough for constructive criticism.
i have no room to talk.
i am glad that you feel confident enough to send me read requests and share your work because I, (and i'm sure many fellow readers would agree) thoroughly enjoy the topics that you write about and the way in which you portray them.
lovely.

favorite line:
Perhaps I should have never offered you the apple
For as Eve was to Adam, I soon became example
and
My life is not sugar coated nor smoothly digested
The "joys" which satisfy never seem to be alleviated

send me more.
mary jane

[Antonio Valentino]

I can’t offer you a cure to the embedded seed within
Nor can I tell you how to scratch demons in your skin

I never said this was easy or tell you how I am proud
I screamed my silent scream wishing my voice was loud

My misery never wanted company, only a strong assuring hand
For once you eat the apple, walking alone makes it hard to stand

This was spectaular Jenn!
Antonio xx

[Eagle Cruagh]

When in the presence of danger, run.
When faced by Royalty, bow.

Take a bow !

An excellent poem, life story, lesson,
philosophy, word painting, sermon,
example, or just an exquisite poem
about life.

However this is classified, it remains
a beautiful work of art, a gifted rendition
and writing by a professional.

Thank you for the gift of your talent.

----- Eagle Cruagh

[Shane Brooks]

very nice the subject is clear but not over obvious the last line brought it all together and ends the poem strong a couple verses don't quite flow right but could be reworked a bit and the pieces strength would shine more

[Nautili]

wow. very powerful.temptation does a have a way of transferring from one hand to another........... "the embedded seed within" love that line.

[Barbara Walker]

You say alot in just a few words! Empathy, sorrow, accountability, feelings of being alone, yet needing that reassuring hand. Last line is my favorite, I think. Good write! Barbara-eyepoetress

[Victoria Harlequin]

Ooh, I like this.
"My life is not sugar coated nor smoothly digested"
I liked this part of the poem, but I enjoyed everything about this.
Great write indeed!

[Jacqueline]

Abandon hope all ye who enter here-----> That was the first thing that popped into my mind after reading this seductively honest work. It's like you feel for the person's iminent ruin; knowing how the 'movie' ends yet still allowing discovery.

[Poets Soul]

I never said this was easy or tell you how I am proud

I screamed my silent scream wishing my voice was loud



My misery never wanted company, only a strong assuring hand

For once you eat the apple, walking alone makes it hard to stand

Oh man!!!!!! you have defined a language and voice all your own. I enjoyed this. ty PS

[Juan]

This one seems to have good intentions gone awry (sharing something wonderful) but also kinda like being in a roundabout and never being able to find your exit (a vicious circle none the less). Another great poem.

[Michael]

Very interesting read. I like your use of couplets to make your points. The apple metaphor is wonderfully applied. Have you thought about balancing the meter? Just a thought.

Wonderfully written!