She

 

 

 

 

 

Come a little closer

 

Glance into who she is

 

She’s the one who was never his

 

She’s the one I’ve seen hide behind her grin

 

When you see her, you’ll notice her porcelain skin

 

Some say she’s rambunctious, I say she’s purely unique

 

She won’t be here for long, so better take your sneak peek

 

One day she will love with all of her heart

 

Poetry has always been her God-given art

 

Listen for a minute, hear my words as I say

 

"Beware her attitude and hips that sway"

 

She’s left some in the dust

 

And there were some abandoned in lust

 

There are others who can’t afford to receive

 

A part of her mind they cannot conceive

 

One more glance, as she is walking swift

 

Oh, the brazen way her moods will shift

 

She’s a girl who can be insecure

 

But she’s steadfast and can endure

 

She’s your lover, she’s your friend

 

With competition, she won’t contend

 

She's all that she is

 

She's all you will be

 

When I talk about you

 

I talk about me

 

 

Reviews

[Antony]

Very spunky, this one blew me away, I love how you talk of her, coming to grips with the inner her and laying it all on the line for that one person she seems to be seeking, my favorite lines, which say so much to me. There are deep thoughts in this, makes me think. Nice format as well.
Antony

With competition, she won't contend
She's all that she is
She's all you will be
When I talk about you
I talk about me

[Irfan Shah]

Nice and interesting. Sweet. I liked these lines the most:

"She's left some in the dust
And there were some abandoned in lust"

the only turn-off (for me) was the line about swaying hips. And I also liked the lines about her changing moods... very nice depiction of everything.

[Kevin Galbreath]

It had a good rhythm but I don't know if i can dance to it....ooops..that was for american bandstand.

Anyway, liked this one. It had a good scheme and there was never any doubt what the topic was or that you know yourself well.

good job

[A.r. Bazian]

wooohoooo!
i loooooooooovveeee it!
the flow is amazing! the challenge is emotional and personal!
its powerful!

i love this one!
one of your best!

[Kitty]

**snaps fingers on this one**


Very, very well done Jenn!! This is all you baby!

Get it girl! Don't let anyone tell you any different, you are all woman, all mother, and all Woman of God.


Your friend,
Melba

[Murphy]

This is sharp and well defined. It's almost lyrical... I tend to think this would make a great song. Maybe it's just me, but I think if someone else makes the same suggestion, you may consider it. Well written; sorry it took me so long to review. Keep up the great work.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Great job. I actually wrote a poem called "She" a while back, the exact same idea! i should put it on my site too, but call it a different title. lol. you always are consistent with your poetry. great job! i like this part the best:

"Oh, the brazen way her moods will shift" .......that's sharp.

thanks for sharing.

[Bennett Logan]

Sorry I'm just now getting around to reading your request. A lot happened this week. Anyway, this is an intereting piece. I like that you wrote what seems to be a relatively autobiographical poem from the point of view of a third-person narrator.

I only have a couple suggestions, though. The entire poem is constructed out of a series of rhyming couplets, but the first line has no line with which to rhyme. It threw me off a bit the first time I read it aloud and line 1 did not rhyme with line 2, but line 2 rhymed with line 3, line 4 with line five, line 6 with line 7, and so on... I'm not at all suggesting that all poetry sould be uniform from head to tail, but I found line one's deviation from the otherwise regimented AABB rhyme scheme a tiny bit disctracting. Anyhow... I tend to run away from the point, and I apologise. My suggestion is this: create a line with which to rhyme line 1. In my opinion, it would be the polish on this sassy, spunky little poem.

Also, I thought line three unnecessary to the poem. "He" is never mentioned again throughout, and the line suggests a kind of forlorn love, and this poem isn't about a forlorn love. It's about sassy but content woman. My suggestion would be to replace line 3 with another rhyme for, "Glance into who she is," or to remove the entire couplet all together.

That's about all I've got for now... Thanks for sending the read invitation. I think you have interesting things to say, so keep up the good work. Have a good one, Ms. Jenn.

[Erin Phoenix]

This is beautiful Jenn.

it flowed well and I don't think I even blinked... Lol

I wanted to met her and love her and be friends with her.

Awesome work Jenn!

:)

[Yvonne Heidt]

Great rhythm on this piece! Are the girl my mom warned me about? LOL I like Antony's use of the word "Spunky" To that I will add "Sassy"

great job!

[Celtic Cat]

Absolutely fabulous!!!! I so loved this piece. We are all quite the puzzle, and you've demonstrated the many facets of us wonderfully in this piece. I loved the ending as well.....we do see in others what we see in ourselves. Outstanding drawing...is that an original? Either way, it was a clever little piece that pulled me in wanting more and more. Excellently done!!