My Awakening

Who am I lying here, why did I fall?

I view this big world, seems so small.

 

I want to move, body doesn’t react.

My fall was hard, landed with impact.

 

Now I’m down, getting up seems hard.

My brain is confused, thoughts jarred.

 

I’m stuck here, where did I come from?

When my head hit floor, sound of drum.

 

I think I see a monster, lurking by my side.

I’m still laying here, nowhere left to hide.

 

I’ve seen it beside me, closing eyes to sleep.

I feel so scared, through the new eye I peep.

 

I want to go back, shaking as if I face death.

Someone is here, why can’t I catch my breath?

 

Must be a guardian angel, for that I am sure.

Angel put me back in my bed, lifted from floor.

 

Author's Note

This poem reflects first thoughts of feeling fear. I visualize a child falling from crib and being so petrified of a harmless teddy bear that lay under bed. The guardian angel is she who gave birth.

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

I enjoyed this... You got the feeling and atmosphere just right. The narrator sounds like an afraid and slightly bewildered child. There are a couple rhymes that seem forced here, though, like you were maybe trapped into writing something you didn't necessarily want to say. If that's the case, then you should definately look into investing in a rhyme dictionary. I bought one when I was into writing villanelles, and I found it to be invaluable. It'll really offer some interesting rhyme alternatives that would not normally be in the forefront of your mind. Plus they're just fun to read. (Come on, jukebox rhymes with padlocks. And cowpox apparently.) ;) If you don't want to put up the cash, then there are a good few rhyme dictionaries here on the internet. AND they're as free as the air in your lungs. Anyway, I can tell that you enjoy writing and that you put a lot of time and thought into your work. This poem is perfectly fine as it is and there's certainly no need to change it, but I think playing with the rhymes and imagery could be interesting. Keep up the good work.

[larryb]

Very deep i like the way you write :)

[Jason]

Yes, very profound indeed, I like how this is seen from a small childs point of view. This is compelling!

[An owl on the moon]

Such a powerful expression of first fear! Not yet being able to understand, and yet sensing pain and the increasing anxiety of life. Profound visualization!

[Mr. Lopez]

I like the way that you expose your vulnerable inner child in this one. Then find peace in the boosum of her mother. There are also ways to interpret this poem in every day struggles and overcoming them . great work.

[Pinky]

its just where my mind is right now but... i picture an overdose of somekinda... idk just me! Its a great write... writers block gone???

[Shadows of Sight]

Wonderful Jenn!
I could just imagine how some of the simplest things would strike fear to a new born child. And how a mother could be that wonderful guardian angel!

Great Write!

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is good and it does reflect those thoughts.. i like the line of the guardian angel .. think of my mom ..god write..

Chloe
xoxo

[[untitled]]

This is good. I loved the image you gave with your words. I liked the idea that it was written from a childs perspective. I could feel the fear.