My Awakening

Who am I lying here, why did I fall?

I view this big world, seems so small.

 

I want to move, body doesn’t react.

My fall was hard, landed with impact.

 

Now I’m down, getting up seems hard.

My brain is confused, thoughts jarred.

 

I’m stuck here, where did I come from?

When my head hit floor, sound of drum.

 

I think I see a monster, lurking by my side.

I’m still laying here, nowhere left to hide.

 

I’ve seen it beside me, closing eyes to sleep.

I feel so scared, through the new eye I peep.

 

I want to go back, shaking as if I face death.

Someone is here, why can’t I catch my breath?

 

Must be a guardian angel, for that I am sure.

Angel put me back in my bed, lifted from floor.

 

Author's Note

This poem reflects first thoughts of feeling fear. I visualize a child falling from crib and being so petrified of a harmless teddy bear that lay under bed. The guardian angel is she who gave birth.

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

I enjoyed this... You got the feeling and atmosphere just right. The narrator sounds like an afraid and slightly bewildered child. There are a couple rhymes that seem forced here, though, like you were maybe trapped into writing something you didn't necessarily want to say. If that's the case, then you should definately look into investing in a rhyme dictionary. I bought one when I was into writing villanelles, and I found it to be invaluable. It'll really offer some interesting rhyme alternatives that would not normally be in the forefront of your mind. Plus they're just fun to read. (Come on, jukebox rhymes with padlocks. And cowpox apparently.) ;) If you don't want to put up the cash, then there are a good few rhyme dictionaries here on the internet. AND they're as free as the air in your lungs. Anyway, I can tell that you enjoy writing and that you put a lot of time and thought into your work. This poem is perfectly fine as it is and there's certainly no need to change it, but I think playing with the rhymes and imagery could be interesting. Keep up the good work.

[THERISA]

Reading this poem, my mind is flooded with the thoughts of a person, who has fallen upon hard times. Whether its emotional or physical and their struggle to free themselves. I know, its totally oppositve of your explaination, Jenn, but it feels right, to me.

[Kari]

ha cool

[Kitty]

aww.. this is a scared baby, I know this fear as a child myself..
vulnerable, helpless to anything..

Wonderful write.

Melba

[DeAn]

ahhh the tales of youth. and yes great clarity of truth in this and also a great read. this poem is very well written and the synergy places the reader into it and you explanation of it in the notes reveals it all and gives credence to the write.

great job!

l8r g8r
-Tao

[Murphy]

Amazing visualization. Your authors notes are valuable and help give the reader a good look at the poem through your eyes. In this case the visualization of the child falling from the crib... wow. Excellent job.

[James K. Blaylock]

Fear can truly hold us in a lifetaking grasp. It's a huge blessing to escape its dark grip.

jkb

[Prose-full]

"I feel so scared, through the new eye I peep"----i love this line..."the new eye" gives 'lends' so much power......
"Angel put me back in my bed, lifted from floor."what a sweet way to end this...

brilliant writing...
new unique style i haven't really ran into around the cafe....
nice surpise..

[a Messenger]

It absolutely amazes me how you get yourself inside the minds of so many diverse characters.
Another brilliant poem by a brilliant poet.

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A deep and profound piece, wonderfully written, you have great flow and rhyme. I enjoyed reading this, you project so much into your work. Brilliant!

[Erin Phoenix]

'Must be a guardian angel, for that I am sure.
Angel put me back in my bed, lifted from floor.'

^
^
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I love this line

Perfect for the end.