Amends

Momma, I loved you but I didn't love me.

Momma, I beat you down to who I needed you to be.

Momma, I couldn't look you in your honest eyes.

Momma, my eyes were tired, cold and full of lies.

Momma, when I vanished, I wasn't running from you.

Momma, you were always there to see me shine through.

You believed in me, like no one else ever had.

I'm so sorry I changed your happy eyes to sad.

I couldn't let you see me keep losing, never winning.

I couldn't erase the pain, start over from the beginning.

I missed you when I was so cold, lost and alone.

I wanted so badly to be in your arms back home.

I drifted -
So far.

I dug open -
My bleeding scar.

Mind was lost.
Soul tossed.

Look what I lost.
Self respect.
Body wrecked.

I stole.
Lost my soul.

I lied.
Lost my pride.

You're my Momma, my best friend
Give me another chance to be Jenn.

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

That cuts Jenn. That was deep. I like how you repeated "momma" in the beginning of each stanza., and then kept it to two-three words per stanza when you speak of yourself, and the hurt she inflicted. It is sad how when we don't receive the proper love growing up it can affect us later in life. I had that same situation with my father, he wasn't there for me, and i always grasped to other male's arms. I no longer do this, but i feel where you are coming from.

[Just Manoosh]

Oh, such a sad but beauitful plea.... lovely honey. I really liked the change in flow half way through, it worked really well with the emotions behind this write. Mx

[poddar kushal]

it is so touching that i almost could hear a ringing voice reciting these lines while i was reading them

[Avery Radtke]

i really like this one.
it wasn't too long ago where i called everyone i knew,
making my amends.
and this writing relates to it very well.

[Damian Alan Gray]

Few things are harder than makings amends with your parents. I've been there, done it, and it makes a typical 12 Step program seem like a walk in the park. It's made all that much harder when it has to be done at graveside.

Great write, Jen. Thanks for sharing.

[Alexzan Marie]

Wow this is so painful... The way you go from what sounds like begging her for forgiveness to just...explaining how you feel in broken, fragmented, painful pieces...This is really beautiful. I hope that the writing, at least, helped heal some wounds.

[Daly]

In the beginning, you started the lines with "Momma" -- I like that. And I also like the transition. You used short sentences to imply the speaker's weakness (is that your intention?). I hope that the relationship between you and your mother grows stronger.

[Celtic Cat]

Oh my gosh you've went and made me weep! I never weep! Cry, yes, and often...but weep? Agh. This is so beautiful and sad and I'm sure your mommy wants her Jenn back just as much as you want her. I'll send up some prayers for you both....hoping for better days to come. Excellent piece of writing....keep letting it out. Much love~~

[Baby Boy]

Wow! Beautiful and sad at the same time! I can see that you have true, genuine feelings towards your mother and I'm sure if she read this or you told her this, she would give you another chance! Awesome write sweetie and I hope you get what you're asking for in this poem! One luv Miss Jenn! Holla at ya boy!



-JC-

[Kevin Galbreath]

It can't have been easy to put down this one.
I liked it and definitely understand it as I think we have all felt a little bit of this in our own lives.

We all could have been so much more...but life tripped us along the way and our wants superseded our needs.

Very heartfelt and poignant

[Shadows of Sight]

Sounds like an appology to a mom, who had been seen as the evil through years of blindness. Now the blindfold has been removed. The daughter is asking for a secondchance to be a human being again.
Great Write. Lots of emotional references, a truly inspirational piece.:)