Memory

My son wrote this and this is his first poem. I think he has talent beyond his years for being so young. I welcome feedback on this talented piece.

I remember much more now
Left alone to ponder

Lest there are not many
more surfaces to scratch

As life's meaning begins to fracture
and wane, I am left
stumped and confused as to our origins

I then feel indifferent
towards my fellow human beings
as I did when I was but a child

Loving, yet cautious
Looking for their answer relentlessly

They need it as much as they do structure
Now knowing the search is in vain
I wish only to forget

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

As a first poem this is very good and it shows your son is able to articulate concepts in few words. His structure us good and a bit of crafting will improve the piece. Stanza five for example would read far more fluidly as:
'Loving, yet cautious
Looking for answer relentlessly and stanza six 'they need it' should be 'they need them' plural.

[Black Hole Halo]

Well, I have to say he has very good take in pictures, ha, that being said tongue in cheek I would like to go to say I found this piece to be thoughtful, how old is this child I wonder? Out of the mouths of babes
come the most wondrous things.

[Ellie J]

This was very nicely written. It has a beautiful and honest flow. I hope your son continues to write or at least try to remain in practice.

[Trevor Jay Bloodworth]

Deep. I can tell it came from the heart.

[SyberRose]

Nicely penned indeed...enjoyed reading and hope your son keeps writing...Rose

[Shanil Mehdi]

The poem was very well done and addresses the idea of ignorance vs. wisdom quite nicely, your son did a great job!

[K-mo]

Real nice, feelings we all can relate to. I love it!

[Avangeline]

Amazing. I loved it. :) Tell him he must get his own Writerscafe account and do more poems!!!

[justjenn_2u]

Oh s**t. Thanks so much. This rocks.

[A.J.]

wow, how old is your son?

[justjenn_2u]

He is 17 and this is his first write.