Memory

My son wrote this and this is his first poem. I think he has talent beyond his years for being so young. I welcome feedback on this talented piece.

I remember much more now
Left alone to ponder

Lest there are not many
more surfaces to scratch

As life's meaning begins to fracture
and wane, I am left
stumped and confused as to our origins

I then feel indifferent
towards my fellow human beings
as I did when I was but a child

Loving, yet cautious
Looking for their answer relentlessly

They need it as much as they do structure
Now knowing the search is in vain
I wish only to forget

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

As a first poem this is very good and it shows your son is able to articulate concepts in few words. His structure us good and a bit of crafting will improve the piece. Stanza five for example would read far more fluidly as:
'Loving, yet cautious
Looking for answer relentlessly and stanza six 'they need it' should be 'they need them' plural.

[Coyote Poetry]

He did very well writing his first poem. The poem had strength and reasons to be written. Being young the world changes too quickly. I'm old and I can't keep up. Thank you for sharing your son poetry.
Coyote

[Barbara Walker]

This makes me feel so sad. i wish he could have a more positive feeling for a while longer, even if it is illusion. Kind of like when kids find out there is no real Santa Claus...

[Pax Analog]

Don't know how old your son is, but this is indeed thoughtful, brooding. Naturally eloquent. And subtle wisdom in the wish to forget searching questions: spiritual awareness comes from the ability to drop the entire structure of the seeker. Intriguing.

[Anna]

Very nice, your son has a talent, get him to join writerscafe and I would be sure to review his work :)

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

Memory, is said to be selective. The things we remember are the things that affect us. The clearest memories are at the extremes of our emotions,love and hate for example. As we mature, we choose our memories. In this way we build a bank of ideas and images that are precious to us. These become the treasures that lift us when life knocks us down. Life is what happens, while we are busy planning our life. We can select a default mindset for which things are important enough to remember,and which things that are not worth the effort. The key is, to know that you are in charge of your memories.
Bla,bla,bla. Enough philosophy.
This poem is a great start, to a long relationship, between your head and your heart. Write as you have in this poem, from the heart. Allow your head to do the typing and editing.

[John Stussy]

It's always a bit terrifying to finally come to the knowledge that everyone is willing to toss everything away for not even the solid guarantee but the promises of liars of safety. It's something that can't be unseen, and, as I'm sure your son knows by now, it's not something that lessens unless one were to forsake their own humanity to ignore it, which would be a greater crime than that of the masses' ignorance. They're not evil for wanting that falsely promised security, they go for it because they are afraid. To one who can see what's going on however, it brings to mind the desire to not know once again, if just for the childhood paradigm of "if I can't see the bad things, they can't see me."
You'll have to let Cory know for me that I think this is an incredible, well-penned poem in and of itself, and the fact that it is his first makes it all the more worthy of applause. He's well talented, and let him know he ought to keep true to himself even when he sees the ignorance around him. He's a strong patriot.

[Marie]

Oh, the search is not in vain. You just haven't found the right path yet.

[Troy Henson]

A child who is in touch with life and particularly what is life. A stunning perception of who we are and how we have come to be. The piece bares emotion and gives off a nice even tone through out that too gives the impression to some degree that he has deep and raw feelings about the topic of choice and is in touch with his feelings.
Nicely written. Pen on little man. If you are this good now I will be seeing more from you again.

Well done.

[Donald Meikle]

Not the nicest of conclusions to come to but certainly well drawn