precipice

a brief poem. enjoy

Precipice

excuse me sir,
if I come across as rude,
But that watch does little
for the complexion of your hand,
pale and quivering like the last leaf.

It seems to me sir;
The drink is sweeter in the glass
which trembles on the edge of the table

I caught you crying sir;
Which is not something a Man aught to do.

Author's Note

critique away!

Reviews

[xx]

Ah! One of the best poems I've read so far on WC. I'm into the so-called unconventional poems, the ones with odd structure, odd subjects, odd this and that, but in the end, all poems have their own signature features, don't they?

And this is one of the "oddest" poems I've read so far, about giving some man an opinion about his complexion and the watch he wears on his wrist and some other things besides.

This was a wonderful piece, free verse and free minded, creative and certainly nothing like what I have read before. Just one thing - I think it's "ought" rather than "aught" - but ignore me if I'm wrong.

Keep writing! I'll be following your works. :)

-Mina

[Condor]

I like very much. As i read this i felt like i was watching someone speaking to an elderly gentleman and this was the speakers way of making conversation with someone who looked sad and down. Crying is not a manly thing to do? I have to so disagree with you there. It takes a big man to show his feleings and not be swayed by his peers to act tough just to make them feel better....cry away! This was extremely interesting in my eyes. Though this is short, it has a lot to say which I think every reader will get something out of. Thank you so much for sharing.

[...]

Ah, I hate when your watch clashes with your complexion! This is a great and interesting write. It kept my attention. No critique on this end. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Muse]

Welcome to WC.

Your work is original. And it's told from a unique perspective. You take notice of a stranger..during an awkward moment. And you write about a stigma shared by many..that a man should never be caught crying....I don't have anything negative to say. Maybe work it up a bit on presentation...otherwise great penning!