A Night Of Hell

How I felt when My parents were fighting before they got a divorce.

As I sit there.
Gasping for air.
I watch fighting.
With cold blasts of lighting.
As I only can cry.
You can watch the tears fall down my eye.
A Night Of Hell.

I only can hear screaming.
I realize this fight has a lot of meaning.
As I run outside,
I lose everything, even my pride.
I see police,
Running inside like wild geese.
A Night Of Hell.

This night is ruining my life.
My dad is losing his wife.
I realize my head is down.
So no one can see my frown.
A night of sadness.
A night of madness.
A Night Of Hell.

Author's Note

For a first poem of my life, how is it?

Reviews

[Legion]

For a first poem it is saddenly depressing, but wonderfully done. I don't normally like rhyme schemes that use the typical rhymes (like rhyming "floor" and "door" or "love" with "dove") such as you have done here, but this works well in this poem to help describe the angst and frustration going on with what is happening. As a child of divorced parents (my dad twice and my mom three times), I understand this all to well. Sorry for your pain, but use it to craft the masterpieces that are sure to follow. Keep up the good work.

[mick weller]

This conveys its meaning very well -
you introduce a firm pace of action to this `gasping for air` so I would be sure you intend the punctuation... it's like `stop` and think about this `stop` - see where I'm coming from?
it seems as if you do as you use two comma's... but it feels to me that the punctuation is acting as a counter current flowing agaist the natural rythm of the piece - though maybe this is intentional
it would be good to lose a few `I`'s if poss too
a brave write and a good write... a parent myself, here's me feeling like you've just given me a slap!
nice one - and thanks for sharing your insight

[Tina Kline]

Very very good. You capture well the awfulness of the situaiton you write about. A lot of people can relate to what you wrote in your poem. Very sad and that comes through your poem. Makes it very powerful. I can almost feel the desperation you must have felt, you captured it well. Very very good first poem. Keep writing!

Tina

[Jazmyne]

for being your first poem i think you did a awsome job. your poem expressed alot of emotion and that what you are going through is rough on you. i cant imagine how that can be for you. my parents have been together this whole time and they fight all the time. but anywazye...i really liked this piece. keep up the good work! hope things get better!

[DrumMajorPod]

Wow. Your parents are--were?--the opposite of mine then. My parents' divorce was final last year.. they just stopped talking. So when I got home, I'd instantly go to my room and close the door. I couldn't handle the silence that was draped over the house like a smothering blanket. The silence.. drove me insane. This past year, about a year ago in a couple months or so, I moved out. I've never been happier, but my parents hate me now, I think.

Anyway, I really loved your poem! It perfectly describes the sentiments behind what was happening and how you felt. I really love this line: "This night is ruining my life. / My dad is losing his wife." I also really like the repetition of "a night of hell."

I know it can't be easy for you.. to write something like that, as the emotions behind it are.. hurt. Fearful. Almost angry, but perhaps not quite. A saddening, hurt frustration.

Excellent writing. I look forward to reading more from you in the future, so if you would kindly keep me posted on your writings, I would appreciate it. =] Thank you, and great work!

[D Poet K]

for it being your first poem ever, this is really good. extremely good actually. you just let out your emotions and what you were feeling inside and put it down onto paper (or wordpad whatever, you get what i mean) and thats really all poetry is about. emotion, feelings, and healing. this poem was very well written for a first time writer.

i also noticed that you're new to the site so i wanted to be one of the first to give you a big welcome and hopefully you continue to post on the site and share your wonderfully written work. im sure you will love this site because it has tons of amazing writers on here such as yourself. anyway, like i said, welcome to the site. and be sure to let me know when you post up more work so i can be sure to read them as well.

take care and have a wonderful blessed week and weekend. much love and peace.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Very well written, you expressed your feelings of fear and sadness. Thank you for sharing. Debileah