'happiness'

little bit of nothing!!

i'd given up, given up hope, given up on everyone and eveyrything i knew, i just didnt know.

i knew i wasnt happy but had never twigged why. i had given up on the light.the good in things i no longer saw, 

i just didnt see it coming. the darkness had slowly edged out the light and had slyly took me in, it took me over like an addiction, i never even seen it the dark was light enough to see so i managed and just ploddded through it without a thought.'it' is a disease, a disease of the pysche, the mind, the will and the heart. 

        basically, i see it like this, life is ups n downs, ying n yang, light n dark, positive and negative.now, put the human internal melancholic battle into this notion, every thing in the list needs the other for it to work, they have there own balances. so when your took over by the fog of nothing, your stuck in the negative/dark/down and ruining your balance when your stuck in the darkness nothing is ok.still you need to remember everyone has ups n downs, that is life, a rollercoaster baby, take a ticket enjoy the ride! thats it though its balance is to sit in the middle and be able to ride it all out, when your stuck in the negative it feeds it self and slowly takes over, though you may not know it, everything you do is negative, everything you think is negative, but you dont even see it beacuse its darkend your light slowly over time totally fooling your ready n willing to be ledastray mind. i bet you'll say, 'so how do you know when your trapped in the dark' and 'how do you

get back to the balance?' Some peopled will never see, some will but theyll suffer till someone helps them, some will have  a penny drop, under the bo tree enlightenment! and fix themselves accordingly!! (b******s eh! but it still fits in the scheme of lightndark,yingyang,positive negative) thing is, is to be honest, honest with yourself, little steps, stay in the light.

though i had long pigheaded wolf blow my house down trial before i began to be able to see n be honest about it, i also had a revelation, revealed to me by god....haha well maybe not that big! just an idea, how do we have depression, melancholy and so on, without its relevant opposite/partner?? if your balance is excellent and you ride the bike of life with ease you probably spend a lot of time in the positive yet will still suffer the ocassional trip below to the dark....why, if we can be dragged into the melancholy and get caught in it for months and years in a disease, why isnt there a 'happiness' disorder?? if there is can i catch one?? and where do i catch it from?? well this set me off, i want to have 'happiness' and i dont want to be medicated!!