"life support"

Beginnings of a new romance....

i need life support when i'm around you...
i can't seem to catch my breath when you're in my presence..
oh, your beauty is way beyond breathtaking...
it takes all i have in me to manage a gasp...
please, will you breathe out so i can breathe you in....

i'm tongue twisted, i mean, i'm tongue tied....i'm so confused....
i feel like i'm in third grade again....
loving you is elementary;it's so easy...but you got a panel of scholars panning the room for answers...
every body's baffled by you....
can somebody help me simplify this problem...
i need the solution..
i gotta figure out how to make her mine...

hurry, here she comes again...
school me again..bring out tha' flash cards....what's her plus me...
it's simple addition but she's in a whole 'nother class...
she's taking me there and i'm without a map....



Copyright ©2008 By shean davis, as writer...i am.... All rights reserved in
all media. Reproduction of this material, partially or in its
entirety, without written permission from author is prohibited.
 

Reviews

[vanishing]

I love your style!!
really do.. you have
a drop dead-phenomonal flow
your words an imagery lock onto the reader
and doesnt let go.
poetic breeze...

"i'm tongue twisted, i mean, i'm tongue tied....i'm so confused....
i feel like i'm in third grade again....

[The Musings of Mary H.]

A wonderful composition of words! I felt it very sweet, endearing...a sense of innocence. Great work!

Mary

[Prose-full]

i want to post a big thank you to my readers that left a review...THANK YOU..it was great to come home and log on to see that my write was read..i highly and genuinely appreciate it....
'peace.love.and creativity-its in you..'
shean,as writer ...i am...

[Alexander W. Quinn]

I love that you've managed to turn "life support" into a postive light for a love poem. That's a wonderful and creative approach, one that I don't think I've ever run into before.
The piece has a great flow to it, and the slip into "comfy words" (tha, 'nother) actually gives it a lot of flavor. By the time I got ot the end, I was practially singing your poem in my head. :)
Best of all, the piece was actually fun to read.

[Carrie Montgomery]

"please, will you breathe out so i can breathe you in....
it's simple addition but she's in a whole 'nother class...
she's taking me there and i'm without a map...."
loved these lines !!
wow! your style is unique, new, refreshing. The rhythm of this reminds me of a heart beat that is boom-booming with passion, want, obsession, and a hint of shyness. Well done!

[Duane Klinger]

wow. great write, your choice of words was really cool and i loved the way that you used real dialogue to truly captivate the feelings of the narrator. great write
MKLINE