blue-bound

to the first boy I ever loved

I remember the very first time we met because I was wearing my favorite shirt,
"the doors",
and I felt like suede and summer.
I thought I looked good
but I still wondered if you thought I was beautiful, pretty, anything.
because when I saw you
my breath dropped into my chest
just in time for my spine to collapse into my stomach.

You walked away from me and my heart leapt after you,
danced there, foolishly, foolishly.
You turned around and I picked back up
my red face looking at the ground.
No, I wasn't staring at your butt!

Do you ever feel like you just don't have the right words?
--you're trying to craft in this space and you have nothing to grab, nothing to pull on--
We're 16 and this is okay.

I watch reruns of our old memories from time to time,
 your father is gone for the weekend, your brother is gone
 your house is empty
and you want me to stay.
 We are 16 and about to kiss
but we turn our faces away and laugh--
our movie finishes and we leave again
and resume our places in the real world,
a pervasive, perverted place.


wisps of you pull all around me still
but they are never
any good.

They are never as good as the time before.

Reviews

[Richard]

wow it reads like an alternative song from the 1980's and early 1990's
I don't know what that means exactly, but this was really candid and really great stuff :)

[.]

:: such an earnest longing for love cannot but be rewarded by the universe... i remember how i used to fall in love with love... before i met the one... and fell in love with the one... and this poem reminds me of that phase... :: very beautifully written...